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IELTS Essay Correction: The Position of Women in Society.

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.


There is an opinion that the increasing tendency of development of different psychological disorders in children is secondary due to the fact that mothers are unable to give sufficient time to their children secondary to their job responsibilities give more importance (allocate more time) to their profession than to their children’s upbringing. I strongly agree with this statement because the role of a mother held holds an extreme importance in the psychological growth of a child. Moreover, maids and servants can not perform this duty with the passion and care as a mother can.

The environment in which a child is brought up is a primary deciding factor in deciding whether or not an individual would be a health addition to responsible and economically productive citizen in a society.  A child can develop the high social traits such as self-confidence, self-respect, nobility, compassion and integrity under the the affectionate guidance of his mother. Afterall (After all = despite this) She plays the role of ‘First Teacher’, who teaches her child about rights and wrongs (morals and ethics). Scientific data put forwarded forward by British Children Society, for instance, revealed that the children, who are under the kind supervision of their mothers, develop learning skills quickly and fit better into the society as compared to those who are deprived of this guidance. (Need to create an adjective clause when you’re making a comparison. Please create a proper context.)

Moreover, now it has become a reality that it has been statistically proved that maids and servants, who are playing this role in place of mothers these days, are doing more harm than good. Not only the child fails to develop a love bond of love and affection with a stranger but also there are many reported cases of child abuse by these so called care-takers the caretakers sometimes engage in sexual abuse of the child (parallelism issue.). For example, the theme of a campaign named ‘Save Innocence’ run by the Indian government was to aware parents about children abused by servants soon after the sudden rise in such cases in year 2015. (Instead of writing this example, please write a sentence to create a proper context. These children become depressed and develop certain psychological disorders that eventually lead to the path of drugs and violence.)

In conclusion, there are no two opinions is no doubt regarding the role of a mother in the upbringing of a child. Furthermore, there is a ample scientific evidence that if mother take takes care of their her child and spends sufficient time in his initial, crucial developing stages then , not only he can will develop virtues and psychological strength but also he will be protected from unnecessary harms.

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