Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Employers Ask for Personal Information.

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information such as their hobbies and interests and whether they are married or single. Some people say this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is often said that questions about personal interests, and hobbies, and marital status are irrelevant to ask in a job interview (to the recruitment process) while a few people believe that such personal information can be very useful (wrong word choice: handy) handy. Although qualifications and experience in a field are the main criteria in selecting candidates for a job that field, an information about employee’s thinking and family responsibilities would be is beneficial in creating an ideal work environment.

One side of the picture is, Employers, while giving jobs, always prefer the education educational status and work experience of an employee over his personal choices (the sentence gives value to personal choices. These should not be given any value while discussing this view.) of an employee. It is a universal law that no matter how much ambitious and intellectual an individual is or which type of family background or responsibilities he or she may have, between two candidates, the preferred one must have the mandatory academic record and required work experience in that particular field (You’re repeating, in different words, that education and work experience are important. This sentence should explain why these are important. Sample: While performing professional duties, an employee needs a thorough understanding of technical issues. This understanding emanates from theoretical knowledge gained during academic years and practical know-how that comes from experience.). For example, a lawyer, who is a member of a doctor family of doctors (there’s nothing called a doctor family) and has a keen interest in medicine, can never be appointed as a consultant in a hospital. (This paragraph suffers from presenting strong arguments in favor of the idea.)

The flip side of the picture is that On the flip side, information about worker’s interests and marital status can help the employer in creating an efficient workforce for his organization. It would be a wonderful idea to allocate physical jobs to an individual with interest in sports and gym while official work should be preferably handed over to those who have an interest in reading and writing readers and writers in any industry. Bill Gates, the world-renowned businessman, in an interview with the BBC, revealed that his team succeeded in developing an effective work system, after discovering that personal interests and responsibilities of a worker had a great impact on the nature of official tasks the worker can effectively perform work efficiency(Idea and explanation are fine. The argument is nicely built. Need a few changes to express ideas more clearly.)

In conclusion, there is no doubt that questions about hobbies and marital status may appear irrelevant on a job interview but this information can play a vital role to address (in addressing) psychological needs of employees to create a successful work environment. (This is your opinion. Please explain it in at least one more sentence that does not match with the sentences written in the body paragraphs. Sample: This motivates a worker to yield higher economic productivity and enhances his job satisfaction.)

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