Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Politicians VS Scientists.

Some people feel that politicians have the greatest influence while others believe that scientists make the greatest contributions to the world. Give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is true that the world has changed significantly over the period of some centuries. Some people give all credit to great scientists for their useful inventions while others believe that our prominent politicians played a major role in making this world a better place. Some thinkers argue that scientists worked seriously for benefits of humanity while politicians used people for their own benefits (This sentence has the same meaning as the previous sentence.). I do not agree with this viewpoint and I believe that both are different and I believe that both scientists and politicians play played their role sincerely and contribute contributed to the society. I base my statement on the following points.

To begin with, it is a fact that our brilliant scientists invented countless things for the betterment of humanity. Now we can talk on mobile phones, can travel intercontinental distances in no time and having have (enjoy) excellent health services due to their hard work (Violation of parallelism. Please read the article HERE.). Moreover, they sacrificed their whole life in searching mysteries of life (This sentence is vague. Please write specific sentences only.). Their contribution in making our lives comfortable can’t be ignored (This is a general statement which is unexplained.). There is no doubt that scientists have a great impact in our lives and in reshaping the world.

(Write specific ideas and explanation: Moreover, scientists have increased our understanding of Earth and its various elements. This has played an instrumental role in taking pre-emptive measures to avoid catastrophes such as floods, tsunamis, and earthquakes. Also, work of scientists has also shed light on the evolution of humans which has helped revolutionize medicine and has saved uncountable lives.)

On the other hand , the contributions of leaders cannot be undermined. If an inventor create creates a new thing, a politician is a creator of the whole society (This is the IDEA. The following sentences should explain in specific terms “how a politician creates the society?” However, it does not.). He is like a mass communicator who has a power to give the right direction (This sentence is vague and does not express your ideas in concrete terms.). He has millions of followers and a good politician can help in making a nation great (The question is “HOW?”). We had have many examples like Mahatama Ghandi who has influenced many numerous (word repetition: many) people during independence movement.

(The above paragraph fails in explaining the ideas. Sample: Despite the contributions of scientists, the role of politicians is equally important in implementing the latest inventions. To commercially implement an invention, we need teamwork between scientists and politicians. For example, while the team of scientists led by Norman Borlaug invented high yielding varieties of crops, it was the systemic support form politicians in India, Pakistan, and Mexico that led to the birth of the Green Revolution. Politicians offered support of bureaucrats, banks, and universities to implement this invention.)

It is unfair to compare the contributions of politicians and scientist because both are from different streams of lives and their role is totally different. We had great creators as well as leaders who changed our way of living. (This sentence is more appropriate for introduction than for a conclusion.)

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