Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Politicians VS Scientists – 1.

Some believe that politicians are the most influential people in the world, while others believe scientists are the most influential. Which side do you agree with and why? Provide specific reasoning for your answer.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through correction to another answer on a similar question.

Answer:

The leaders of science and politics are the most powerful human beings on planet earth because of their work. People follow Members of Parliaments (MPs) because they create and implement laws and policies which shape the a nation. Whereas scientists solve the mysteries of the universe and develop new technologies; people get influenced by scientists because these things fascinate them. (These above sentences can be better shaped in this manner: While one group derives its influence from the ability to legislate laws that shape a society, the other group is influential because of latest inventions that design the future of humanity.) I admire both political leaders and researchers because of their roles and work (The question is on INFLUENCE of the groups. Please stick to it. I believe both groups are equally influential.).

In politics, one of the most vivid reasons people got get influence(passive voice) by MPs is their speech (IDEA contrast: In the introduction, you’ve mentioned laws and policies.). The art of communication is the language of leadership and people follow them who has those who have this art. For example, Mr. Narendra Modi became the Prime Minister of the India from a tea seller due to his amazing oratorical skills speech (Mention his skills instead of a speech). He has millions of followers around the world. (These two sentences should be merged since the latter sentence is too short and simple. Try using an adjective clause: Mr. Narendra Modi, who became the Prime Minister of India in 2014, has millions of followers due to his excellent oratorical skills.) Another important factor that portraits politicians as heroes is their work (Please note: Sometimes the words you use do not exactly mean the same as the words in the question. For instance, influence is not the same as being a hero.). They serve the nation, develop and implement plans for the betterment of the society (HOW? Please explain); they also represent their countries internationally. As a result, people follow them and get inspired by them.

Sample: Moreover, politicians also derive their influence from their ability to enact (formulate/ legislate) laws and policies. Without these strong policies and laws, scientists cannot implement their inventions commercially. For example, the invention of radioactivity could be implemented commercially to treat patients only after adequate laws were framed. This gives immeasurable influence to politicians to shape the future of humanity.

A scientist does what a politician cannot do, therefore some people see scientists are the most influential beings (The question is not about “some people”. It is about your opinion. However, scientists also enjoy considerable influence due to their immense contributions to the development of human civilization.). Scientists invent inventions new products and develop new techniques to make the world a better place. Many scientific inventions make our lives easier and safe. For example, an English scientist invented life-changing discovery ‘electricity’ the inventions of electricity, the telephone, computers, and air conditioners have made our lives comfortable. Today, we cannot imagine our lives with electricity without these inventions. When people think about things like electricity, air-conditioning, paper and what not! They feel scientists are one of the most influential and powerful people in our lives Inventions like these increase the influence of scientists tremendously.

In summary, I think both leaders and researchers (not all leaders are politicians; not all researchers are scientists. Lexical Resource issue.) play a crucial role in our lives, consequently are the most influential ones. I hope they keep influencing and we keep admiring their work.

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