Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Life in 21st Century is Better Compared to the Previous Century.

Life in the 21th century is better compared to the previous century. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answers and include relevant examples from your own experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the sample answer HERE.

Answer:

In Since (has = since. Explained in the video.) the last beginning (dawn) of the 21st century, humanity has entered one of the most scientific and technologically advanced ages since as the life expectancy has extremely improved as compared to the previous century. I strongly agree that we live currently in a world where big innovations have made living easier and societies scientifically more advanced in medical and  socio-economic areas. (You’ve mentioned reasons in two different sentences. Please write them in the same sentence. I strongly believe that life in the present century is not only extremely comfortable due to technological improvements but also longer than the previous centuries because of medical advancements.)

Scientists all over the world, through many years of research, (wrong placement of modifier) have managed, through many years of research, to eradicate threat-life life threatening diseases such as A.I.D.S, cholera and hepatitis in most of the countries and confined those to restricted regions (Has this happened in the 21st century?). Moreover, medical professions have been financially supported by charities and non-profit organisations organizations no profit to achieve those these important targets. The use of new sterilization equipments and the vaccination diffusion among several communities has allowed (keep this as present tense since this is about the present century) to doctors to reduce the risk of contagious contagion (contageous diseases) and even the mortality factor (parallelism: contagion and mortality are nouns and hence parallel. contagious is an adjective.) in those countries (in which countries? No mention of any country previously.). For instance, during my studies in Cameron, I joined a medical team and we started teaching to the local health carers caregivers how to prevent infectious diseases, to disinfect and to sterilize (parallelism. Go through Sentence Structure Discussion – 1 to understand the issue in a greater detail.) tools for different procedures, and over one year we helped the local hospital to reduce the risk of infections by 15% percent in local villages around Garoua. (I can’t see the role of 21st century in this idea, explanation and example.)

Secondly, the transportation system has been massively upgraded in our society (21st century missing.) since human beings are able to reach further away destinations in a short time-frame and in a safe way (A since B. You wrote the opposite. Explained in the video.). The improvements made in aviation safety has have encouraged people to travel more frequently and the daily number of flight routes has have risen over the years allowing people to choose a flight for their own purposes at any time (To maintain proper context, please compare this with the previous centuries. Sample: Road, rail as well as air travel safety have tremendously improved as compared to the earlier centuries. While there were frequent transportation related accidents in the 20th century, the rise of self-driving cars and aeroplanes in the 21st century have reduced such incidents.). Moreover, language linguistic barriers have been shut down since the use of new devices which allow people to translate immediately a sentence in another unknown language.  Travellers have access to many translation resources and through social communities gather information about costumes, restaurants, art exhibitions and they have the possibility to stay with locals during their trip. (21st century missing. Sample: The invention of smart devices such as Google Translate have reduce the linguistic barriers in the present contury. Travellers in the earlier centuries either had to hire services of an interpreter to understand a foreign language. Today, a person just needs a smartphone and an internet connection to access a computer translator.)

To conclude, the disclosure of great innovations in our society has have brought general wellness and helped the world population to share fundamental knowledges knowledge (plural of knowledge is knowledge) and to thrive together in several areas. Hence, 21th century should be considered one of the best ages for humans in our human life.

Total Words = 355.

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