Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Travel to a Remote Natural Environment.

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to a remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Technological advancements have undoubtedly made it possible to travel beyond our comfort zones. However (there is no contrast here), there are both pros and cons of such explorations (of course there are. This sentence does not convey anything meaningful.). While I appreciate the benefits of such travel for scientific and leisure purposes, I believe that their disadvantages outweigh the advantages benefits(Word repetition: benefits) (You’ve mentioned the benefits. Please mention the disadvantages as well. While these travels have some benefits such as exploration of habitats, they have numerous disadvantages such as loss of human and animal lives.)

One one hand, travel to remote natural destinations makes it possible to explore and appreciate the nature as well as the habitats therein. Travel to the Amazon rainforest, for instance, definitely gives an insight into to highly humid climate and the flora and fauna that are found in such environments (parallelism violation. highly and the are not parallel. Let us discuss this. into humid climate and diverse flora and fauna.). In addition, scientific studies can be done on such virgin locations. These studies could possibly help us understand the planet we live in scientific studies which help in understanding Earth better can be done on such virgin locations (Show the art of connecting the sentences using connecting devices such as which). For example, the thickness of the ice layer in the Arctic and the carbon dating of fossils in the ice has helped us understand a great deal about the origin of the earth. (Idea 1 and 2 are well written and argued. Logical placement of ideas.)

On the flipside, exploration of such isolated areas is dangerous for both for humans and nature (both for humans and for nature) (parallelism in both X and Y.). Hundreds of lives are claimed by the harsh environments of such unexplored areas each year. Many people die owing to the incidents such as fall injuries falling from a height, and envenomation (I’ve heard envenom, a verb) biting (envenoming) by different animal species, and (missing verb) adverse climates in remote areas (parallelism: the falling, the biting, and the adverse). Also, people create litter where ever they go. Hence, no area remains untouched of human pollution. Tonnes and tonnes of plastics in the Everest in a good example of pollution created by humans. (I can’t see “remote natural environment” in this idea. What is the impact of this pollution on such environment? Moreover, humans have a tendency to pollute the environment they occupy. Remote virgin areas such as the Himalayas are facing an extinction of numerous animal species due to pollution.In addition, visiting remote natural places requires a lot of investment. The cost incurred in these travels could can be invested in other beneficial (more productive) facilities such as schools and hospitals. Thus, there are numerous disadvantages of visiting unexplored natural places.

In conclusion, while I can understand that there are some benefits of travel to remote areas, I am of the opinion that the harms of such activities outweigh their benefits (…, I believe that unfavorable impacts of these activities outweigh the favorable ones.).

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