Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Adapt to Local Practices and Customs.

Some people think that when people travel to a different culture they should adapt to the local practices and customs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Immigration of people over a wide geographical region has undoubtedly impacted on the customs and traditions (The question is not on customs and traditions. Please discuss the elements of the general statement with me. Focus on the foundation.). While some people believe that the culture of the host country should be adopted by visitors, I only partly agree to this notion. (Please give reasons in support of your opinion. Example: I believe that visitors should sometimes adapt to local customs and traditions to express respect and to learn about diversity. At other times, the visitors should show their own culture to increase inter-culture understanding.)

On one hand, embracing the culture of host country a region helps to create a friendly atmosphere for the newcomer (to really score 7+ bands, please learn the art of precise expression of ideas. A country may have numerous cultures. India has more than a thousand cultures. So has the U.S.A. Better write “a region”.). The natives in the host country of a region tend to like people who get along easily with their practices, traditions, and cuisines. For example, it is easier to adopt adapt (adapt vs adopt) to the Nepalese society by stopping not having beef as food because the cow is the national animal of Nepal and is worshipped as an incarnation of goddess Laxmi (The question is not about adapting to the society but about adapting to the customs. Your idea is not wrong. However, this can be better expressed as “For example, since the cow is considered as sacred in Nepal and is worshipped as an incarnation of goddess Laxmi, foreigners have to abandon the practice of eating beef to express respect to the local traditions.”). Besides, it is less of a financial burden to practice local festivals. As the materials needed to celebrate are readily available in the local market at a cheaper price, one can show respect to the traditions of host nation easily. (Okay, it is less costly. But, why should they adapt? The reason and explanation are not strong.) I can recapitulate how the Christians at in my neighborhood light candles in their house to celebrate our festival of Tihar as a way to show respect to our tradition.

In contrast, one should value his own culture as well. Without the practice of one’s own traditional values, many cultures are bound to disappear. If emigrating Jews stopped practicing their traditions, for instance, their number the number of Jews (numbers can’t know a tradition.) who know the Jewish tradition properly would have slowly declined (The question is about TRAVELLING only. Not those who live permanently at a place. Lost context.) (IF, THEN clause. Past tense —> Would Have). In addition, the practice of native customs helps the host country to realize and develop respect to for the difference in cultures as well (as well = in addition) (So, should the visitors adapt to local customs or not?). The Nepalese have a great respect for to Christianity, and some have even started celebrating the festival owing to its celebration by foreigner Christians in Nepal (The idea can be expressed more clearly. For instance: If the visitors display their own culture to native citizens of a place, it paves the way for trust and harmony between diverse cultures (clear idea). For instance, most of the visitors in Nepal, whose 98 percent population is Hindu, are either Christians or Jews. Consequently, most Nepalese citizens are aware of these cultures and this has made Nepal a peaceful country.). Thus, a harmony and respect to other traditions has been established (You’ve explained the idea first and mentioned it later.).

In conclusion, I believe that while it is necessary to adopt to foreign customs and values by a newcomer, it is equally important not to stop the practice of one’s own customs during travel (maintain proper context.).

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