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IELTS Essay Correction: Population of Some Countries Includes Large Number of Young Adults.

At the present, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantage of this situation outweigh the disadvantage?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Youth is a valuable asset for any country and it (no pronoun to refer back to YOUTH) often requires keen attention. Currently, a few countries have population comprising majority of younger citizens. Although the young can be easily deceived for negative personal goals, they can serve as a potential productive workforce and can contribute to the economic growth of economic sphere of a country. (This is not an “advantages-disadvantages” essay. This is an OPINION essay.)

(The question is not on the impact of a young population. Please focus on Young > Old.)

It is often argued that young individuals are vulnerable to be used purposefully by anti-social forces. Not only there are chances that immature beliefs of a young individual can be exploited by through the misrepresentation of facts and figures by the criminal minded people but also there are higher possibilities that his youthful energies can be utilized in fulfillment of anti-social activities under false agendas (propaganda). The successful revolts against chosen democratic government of Srilanka, for instance, are initiated by university students under the influence of false agenda of the local business community. (I can’t see Young > Old. Missing context.)

On the other hand, the younger population, who which has a high working capacity, enables potential economic progression for a country (Maintain context: Since younger people have greater work capacity than old, a country with more young people has better future economic prospects than other countries.). The An effectively educated, organized, motivated and mobilized youth can certainly bring revolutionary reforms in a society. With the provision of ample opportunities and guidance, the younger individuals can turn into such a powerful workforce that can ensure guaranteed progress to any organization or industry. Japanese President while commenting on post World War II events attributed stated, as an illustration, the huge economic success, made by of Japan in a couple of decades, happened solely due to active participation and devoted work  unwavering hard work of the young Japanese in various local industries. (Can’t see Young > Old in the example.)

In conclusion, there is a considerable amount of evidence that the inexperienced and immature young generation can be brain-washed purposefully and ultimately can be employed in criminalities criminal activities (Lexical Resource. Criminality = state of being criminal.) but with proper education and motivation, the young individuals can revolutionize a country. So advantages associated with their large strength can certainly outweight outweigh (spellings) the disadvantages linked with them.

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