Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Planting Trees is Important for the Environment.

Planting trees is very important for the environment. Some people say trees should be planted in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while others say housing facilities should be build instead.

What is your opinion?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Trees are nature’s precious gift to earth as they (need a pronoun to refer back to trees) have various benefits. Some people advocate that trees need to be planted in metropolises (metropolis is a large urban area. The question is on all urban areas – towns and cities.) spare spaces in urban areas because they purify the polluted air. However, others support building houses (place the supporting idea with support) rather than planting trees various facilities need to be provided in housing as a result because it makes life more comfortable and convenient. I presumed think (you’re not presuming. Wrong word choice.) that both have significance and need to arrange in a balanced way.

(The introduction is well structured. Need to improve sentence structuring.)

There are several contentions in favor of my stance, the very first significant point is trees purify polluted air. (contention = strife, rivalry. Wrong word choice.) All living creatures need pure air to breath to stay healthy. Moreover, (Wrong cohesive device. This is the same point. No need of moreover.) planting trees decline the pollution rate (the process of planting does not decrease pollution) (Trees act as filters that absorb all the harmful gases and keep the environment clean. For example, despite the same number of vehicles, south New Delhi has lesser pollution than north part of the city due to a greater concentration of trees in the south.).  For example, a famous newspaper reveals the report that a city planted trees and reduce the pollution rate in couple of years. Another pivotal aspect is trees provide shelter to various birds and animals. Consequently, they (need a pronoun to refer back to trees) help to preserve the ecosystem which is crucial for the survival of humans them. Thus, trees have benefits not only for mankind but also have for (parallelism) other natural creatures.

(Please address the question: Why plant trees in vacant urban spaces?)

On the other hand, constructing homes has several merits infrastructure of homes have own merits. Firstly, they make life more comfortable and convenient (Okay. But why build houses on vacant spaces in the cities? Comfort can be obtained in a home built outside the city.). For example, provision of security cameras provides security to homes (Buy why build them in cities. Moreover, the idea is on comfort while the example is on security. They should have the same topic.). Furthermore, availability of lifts in high stories story buildings and apartments make there access easy (lack of context).  Additionally, provision of internet and hot water in every house make life easy. Needless to say, pools, gyms, and gardens in locality make life more relaxed and help to stay healthy. (But why use the vacant urban space?)

In conclusion, I have a neutral perspective for both views. As outlined above statements, I think planting trees in vacant areas of cities as well as housing facilities have own benefits. So it is essential to make a balance between providing both facilities to mankind. None can be neglected.

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