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IELTS Essay Correction: Parents Should Teach Children How to be Good Members of Society.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Did you brainstorm on “Good members of society” before writing? In the context of children, this refers to a courteous, law-abiding, and respectful behavior towards others.

Teaching a child is preparing for a better future. It is considered by many that a child should learn his social responsibilities from his parents. But many argue that schools are the place to learn the moral behaviors. (The previous two sentences can be clubbed as one sentence using WHILE construction. Discuss the structure with me: While some people opine that a child should learn social responsibilities from parents since …… , others think schools are the right place for this purpose as ……..) This essay will discuss both sides and describe why parents are the ultimate role models for the growing children. I strongly believe that parents are in a better position to teach children.

Schools are a huge part of life (This sentence does not convey any specific idea.). Its Their (subject: schools) importance can never be underestimated as it is the place where children learn the true meaning of friendship, practice the art of sharing and go through the teaching learning process (You’ve talked of three different things. While writing an IDEA focus on one element only. Say, sharing.) together with the group (Will this make them good members of society? Rephrase with logical format: Schools are the institutions that teach children the roles and responsibilities of a citizen. They learn the value of sharing and selflessness in these institutions. This teaches them how to help other individuals and make the society more peaceful and harmonious.). A recent study conducted in Japan showed that children attending schools developed better communication skills and were socially more active (If the IDEA is on sharing, the EXAMPLE should also be on sharing: For example, a 1970 study in Japan revealed that the children who regularly attend schools feel more responsibility towards underprivileged sections of society. Since then the Japanese government has invested heavily in free elementary education and this has made the country one of the most livable places on the Earth.)

However, the ever-growing population has resulted in a crowded classroom as well making it harder for the teachers to care for each and every student. Nevertheless, schools continue to provide students the basic knowledge of life(While discussing a view, please do not mention the negative dimension.)

Parents, on the other hand, are the first teachers to a child and they have the opportunity to teach her morals and ethics at an early age. (The first sentence should clearly and completely express an IDEA. Then explain it in subsequent sentences.) Needless to say, a child learns his first word, first step and many other ‘firsts’ from his guardian. A child might may spend six hours a day at school, but the rest of the day eighteen hours is spent at home with parents. Consequently, children mimic their parents and assume them as role models. This allows them to influence the child with a positive environment to become a socially responsible individual.

Logical flow of ideas = Organisation of content: IDEA —> EXPLANATION (Most time with parents —-> Mimic parents; role models —-> Unbriddled influence —–> socially responsbile.). 

Clearly, parents influence their children more than anybody else.  It is a known fact, supported by numerous studies around the world, that children mimic their parents which means that parents are taken as role models. Hence, a child who grows up in a positive environment, will eventually become a socially responsible person. Parents’ play a key role in shaping up their child’s personality.

In conclusion, even though the schools have a definite responsibility in teaching children to be noble and kind, it’s it is ultimately the parents’ contribution that shapes up the child’s character.

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