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IELTS Essay Correction: Overpopulation in Cities – Causes and Remedies.

The population of most cities is growing as people move to cities to find work and new opportunities.

What problems does overpopulation in cities cause?

How can these problems be solved?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

These days in urban areas the urban population is increaseding due to various people shift migrating (shift is not the correct word) to cities from rural areas or small towns to attain for better employment and economic growth and other chances to get success. However, this is responsible for various problems in cities (link such as with the word it modifies) such as skyrocketing unemployment, and rising housing prices (Parallelism issue. Skyrocketing and rising are verbs. Read the article HERE.) etcetera. Overcrowding in cities need to be addressed by taking appropriate measures such as providing employment, imparting education and delivering other facilities in regional areas. (Providing, imparting and delivering are parallel. All are verbs.)

(Though there are numerous grammar and sentence structuring issues in the introduction, it is well organized and MENTIONS the causes.)

Cities always have plenty of opportunities for individuals to achieve success, consequently, attract people to live in cities (Follow a logical procedure. Mention the idea first. Then EXPLAIN it and only then conclude it with “consequently”.). As a result rising population lead to myriads of problems. (You’ve already written this in the introduction.) Firstly, unemployment arises in cities with high population. Due to the availability of a large number of eligible candidates in a large city, employers preferred (present tense) to hire employees with more experiences and qualification (Make logical flow of ideas). Thus, competition boosts among candidates and when a couple of applicants get jobs and others left as jobless. For example, Victoria University reveals a report which indicates that in Melbourne unemployment rate increased as population upsurged in the city Melbourne (For example, a recent report by Victoria University revealed that from 1970 to 2010, Melbourne’s population doubled and the city’s unemployment rate shot up from 5 percent to 13 percent during this period.). Furthermore, the greater population of an urban area has a direct impact on rising rents as well as prices of houses is another issue. When demand increased increases it influenced on influences the prices (plural of price is price) of objects and accommodations. For instance, The aged newspaper depicts the report that housing prices in Melbourne rose during last five years because housing demand has grown (did this grow because of over-population?)(The explanation is inadequate: A city’s residential area is always planned for a limited population. As the population increases and the resulting demand for housing spikes, there is not enough space for everyone. This results in higher rents and price for homes.)

The essential measures are needed Certain measures are essential (needed = essential) to prevent this these problems in cities with overpopulation. The first significant step is needing to develop the development of other towns and suburbs near cities with appropriate facilities such as housing, schools, hospitals, universities, commercial complexes, … factories, and industries (factories and industries are not facilities). Therefore, so that people can be accommodated there in cheap accommodations as well as will get employment options also. Secondly, the government can launch programs to develop regional areas with education, health, and housing facilities in small towns and rural areas and can provide funding and special bonus to people living in regional these (referencing) areas. This will reduce the need to migrate to large cities. So can overcrowded cities issues can be solved.

In conclusion, overpopulation in cities is mainly inclined due to education and employment options basically. If more facilities will provide are provided in regional areas or surrounding suburbs, the problems related to this phenomenon will be tackled effectively. will solve the problems.

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