Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Prevention is Better Than Cure – 1.

Prevention is better than cure.

Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please go through another student’s answer.

Please go through a related essay as well: Medical Care and Life Expectancy.

Please go through the sample answer as well as another student’s answer.

Answer:

A big greater percentage of a nation’s health budget is should be devoted to health awareness programs and to measures for prevention of diseases rather than to treatment alone. I strongly agree with this statement as fighting the root cause is absolutely essential to eradicate the problem (Fine. But why is it essential? … fighting the root cause helps in saving time, money and energy.). Furthermore, a long-term benefit can only be achieved if the people are educated about the nature of the disease (Okay. But what is the benefit?)(You’ve tried to mention the reasons. But, unfortunately, they’re not reasons.)

Better health can be achieved better if a disease is prevented rather than cured. Prevention cuts off the bodily injury caused by disease and the wastage of energy, time and money. Because of this, it is prudent to invest on in the measures that actually prevent the disease. To illustrate, in my country Nepal, malaria is endemic and often epidemic in Nepal. While those who are affected obviously require the treatment, it is a better idea to remove the transmitting agent which is a mosquito (… remove the mosquito, which is a transmitting agent.)(Why is this a better idea? Compare this with the cure.) Our The government has invested millions of rupees for campaigns to spread awareness about malaria through radio, pamphlets, and television. Furthermore, preventive measures such as the use of nets and mosquito repellent drugs have been introduced. Consequently, the reported malaria cases have come down to a significant level. (Can’t see why prevention is better than cure.)

Moreover, prevention generates a long-term advantage. In at the beginning (In short-term), expenditure is both on treatment and prevention require significant investment. However, in the following years, when a disease is already on the verge of eradication, treatment expenditure is drastically lowered. (Merge the two sentences to express the idea better. This will make a clear comparison: While both treatment and prevention of a disease entail a significant cost in the short-term, prevention is a more prudent approach in the long-term.) For example, polio was eradicated from Nepal in 2014 AD. No new cases have been reported since then which indicate that the spending on treatment of new cases is now zero. Hence, preventive measures such as vaccination programs brought about a long lasting profit. (Isn’t this the same as the previous point – saves time, energy and money?)

Prevention has numerous benefits: 1. Economic productivity. 2. Lower health budget of the state and lesser burden on an individual’s pocket.

In conclusion, in my opinion, prevention is rightfully certainly better than cure (wrong word: rightfully = a legitimate claim.). If a large budget is segregated devoted (wrong word) to education and prevention programs, then huge health benefits (be specific) follow in the future. (If a large budget is devoted to educational and preventative programs, the people will not only be more economically productive but also impose lower financial burden on the society.)

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