Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Space Exploration Requires Vast Sums of Money.

Space exploration requires vast sums of money. Is the amount of money spent on space research justifiable? Could the money be better spent?

What is your viewpoint on this issue? Give reasons for your answer. 

Here is a similar IELTS question

Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources while others think that it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Brainstorming:

First qusn- no

Secnd qusn- on hunger problems and poverty

Answer:

Research on space needs a huge monetary investment. Even though space exploration provides an expectation of the possibility of life elsewhere than on earth, it is not justifiable that billions of dollars are spent on the research while people are still dying of poverty and treatable diseases on our planet. It should be better spent on addressing these problems. (Clear viewpoint. Great introduction.)

The greatest minds of the world work day and night and spend a fortune on machineries (plural of machinery is machineryto discover clues which might may lead to a deeper understanding of the space. Research, undoubtedly, is the way to progress and discover new things. However, the planet we live in already is a mess the world around us is filled with problems of poverty and infectious diseases. To illustrate, World Health Organisation published the demographic data in 2016 AD that 77% of the world population are is under the poverty line. In addition, the under-five mortality rate was 46% and the major cause of death was acute gastroenteritis which is a treatable infectious disease. While people are dying or living in extreme conditions in on our very planet, it is absolutely not justified that the money that could be used for these people are scarce financial resources be spent on space research that who knows may need centuries. (use scarce financial resources to connect space research and the earthly problems) Furthermore, it is not definite that research will yield any desirable results(Do not mention this point unless you explain it.)

In my opinion, the funds could be better spent on existing world problems. Firstly, poverty demands an immediate action. Millions of people around the world who are living with minimum fooding food and little clothing must be adequately supported provided for. (Build stronger context) For example, instead of financing space exploration, governments should support the NGOs like ‘Aamako Ghar’ in Nepal which provide shelter for the needy and also teache them handicraft work through which they can earn a livelihood. Secondly, no human should die due to simple and treatable diseases such as acute gastroenteritis. The goal to minimize infectious diseases is not unachievable if enough funds and manpower is are invested. The world leaders must direct their attention and money towards eradicating the disease by reaching to the most remote areas and providing them treatment options diverting funds from extra-terrestrial research to mundane human problems/ issues(Better task response)

In conclusion, it is utterly unjustified that money which could solve ongoing major fatal problems on earth are being spent on research on space, the results of which are completely unknown.

(Alternate conclusion using an IF, THEN clause: In conclusion, if governments divert billions of dollars from space research programs to everyday human problems, the world will be a more socially peaceful and economically prosperous place to live.)

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