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IELTS Essay Correction: Animal Species Becoming Extinct due to Human Activities.

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reasons and solutions?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is true that modern human activities have largely endangered the diversity and existence of animals on earth. This essay will look into some reasons and put forward suggested solutions for these problems.

With the use of different organic energy sources (better write: fossil fuels) in modern civilizations, pollution is on the rise. A huge amount of toxic fumes is being emitted (by whom?) which has a negative impact on rainforests and all sorts of animal habitats (Be a bit more specific. What is the impact? A huge amount of toxic fumes emitted from factories and vehicles which has adversely impacted the habitat of animals such as the Polar Bear.). Consequently, this poses a great threat to many rare species inhabiting rainforests. An acceptable solution for this would be the use of clean energy sources resources such as electricity wind and solar energy.

Moreover, big industries (manufacturing units) produce large quantities of liquid wastes which are eventually disposed (discharged into) in seas and oceans. This, in turn, has harmful effects on fishes fish and all other forms of sea life (What is that effect? This has led to a severe fall in the population of fish species such as Dolphin and extinction of others.). Governments and environment societies should provide solutions with other places for waste disposal like building dedicated towers for this purpose (This is not clear. You need to be more specific and clear in your response. … solution by constructing treatment plants for industrial waste before dumping it into the water bodies.). And Governments should also set (enact) laws to control this issue, and apply (enforce) punishment and impose a penalty on those who break the law.

Another point of importance is illegal hunting. Some people go hunting either as sports or Finally, poaching animals for commercial purposes is a serious threat to several species. A study in India has pointed out that hunting of animals has led to a drastic fall in the population of the national animal, tiger. This can be solved by applying (enacting, legislating) strict laws condemning hunting of all animal species certain species and in certain places. Also building natural reserves can help keep those animals safe.

In summary, many animal species are exposed to extinction as a result of increasing pollution and man (anthropogenic) activities such as hunting (pollution is also an anthropogenic activity). This can be mitigated by having rules and laws concerning the use of energy sources and their waste disposal, and by applying laws restricting illegal hunting of rare species.

Alternate conclusion using an IF, THEN clause: Extinction of species has become a threat to the existence of life on this plant. If governments fail to take adequate measures in this context and prevent human interference in all forms, the ecological sustainability will be lost forever.

This answer stands good on grammar and collocation, but falls short of adequate explanation and lexical resources.

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4 replies »

  1. The question points out both aquatic and terrestrial animals. However; in the introduction, you are talking about only terrestrial animals. Is it the right approach?

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