Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Shop, Work and Communicate With People via the Internet.

In the modern world, it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion? To what extent do you support this development?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The ideas in this essay need to be better developed.

The advent of the internet has given birth to a digital world where one can do shopping, work, and communication through the web without any direct interaction with humans. (good paraphrasing!) Although the internet has provided immense benefits in the domain of shopping and work it has some benefits, its adverse effects on our mental health due to less human interaction are of grave concern.

The internet has revolutionized the way we shop and work (This is same as the first sentence of the introduction.). To begin with, (You’ve written an explanation without stating the idea) Firstly, the internet offers a diversity of choice and cost savings to customers. Shoppers, nowadays, have a wide range of choices as they can get (purchase) several international/ global brands and products from different sellers at one place which also saves their traveling time.

In addition to this, one enjoys the convenience provided by of online shopping by buying/ purchasing shopping any time of the day with just a click of a button mouse. Unlike traditional brick-and-mortar shops, these websites offer the opportunity to purchase goods during the day as well as night. To substantiate For example, data collected by a shopping website Amazon suggests that almost 60 percent of the orders placed in the financial year 2017 were made in the wee hours when most of the working professionals get free from their work obligations and familial commitments. (Please explain the idea before giving an example.)

As regards work prospects, the internet has played a crucial role in the development of a phenomenon called job outsourcing which provided enormous employment opportunities to the youth. It refers to the creation of online jobs for people in developing countries and sending the finished work back to developed countries using the internet. To exemplify, more than 70% of the IT professionals in India work online for the US-based companies, which not only allows the former to stay with their families but also provide them flexible working hours. (Explain before giving an example.)

However, the effects that the internet has had (has had refers to an action that took place in the past but has consequences in the present) on our ways of communication can only (how can it be ONLY negative?) be seen as negative. Being a convenient method of communication, it has become an addiction of for many. People has have immersed deeply into the virtual world of online communication and care less for their real friends and family members. This often leads to conflicts and stressful situations (Which conflicts and stressful situations? You’ve left the idea unanswered.). Additionally, online communication cannot provide the love and warmth of relationships that is easily felt in face to face interaction with our closed ones. In other words, one is rarely able to get the online communication rarely provides much needed emotional support for leading an optimistic life, which, on the other hand, one can get by the mere presence of the family members and friends in difficult times. This often leads to one feeling lonely and unimportant.

In conclusion, the internet has proved to be lucrative and time saver in the shopping and working fields. However, it has an adverse effect on our mental well-being as far as communication is concerned.

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