Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Verticle City with Multiple Tall Buildings VS Horizontal City with Fewer Tall Buildings.

Some people believe that it is better to live and work in a vertical city with multiple tall buildings, as compared to a horizontal city with fewer tall buildings. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the Sample Answer as well.

Answer:

Some people argue that living and working in horizontal cities has better more advantages while others people (Some people argue X, while others Y) have an opinion in favor of vertical cities (It is better if you mention the reasons supporting both views.). However, I agree with the latter view. I believe that the latter have better advantages.

As the population grows there is more pressure on existing infrastructure within of a city. Undoubtedly, to deal with this pestering problem, tall buildings plays play an important role since they not only accommodate an additional number of people but also this saved space (which saved space? You’ve used a referencing word THIS that does not refer back to any noun. Moreover, this is a PARALLELISM mistake. Not only X, but also Y. since they accommodate an additional number of people in a smaller piece of land and space thus saved …..) can be utilized in building infrastructure government schemes (Can’t build schemes. Lexical Resource issue.) such as hospitals, parks, playgrounds. For instance, in a recent report published by the government of India, it was found that metropolitan cities have significantly more parks and hospitals as compared to horizontal cities (… have more than 35 percent area devoted to parks as compared to just 12 percent in horizontal cities.)(Though there are some serious issues, the IDEA is clearly stated and explained.)

Moreover, living in tall buildings is more convenient and comfortable because of the security provided by gated societies and availability of amenities at an arm’s distance. (You’ve written the idea and explanation in the same sentence. Please write them separately and explain it thoroughly. Moreover, living in tall buildings is not only more secure but also more convenient (IDEA). These buildings are mostly in gated communities which offer security guards at the main entrance and restrict any unauthorized access (EXPLANATION). Most of the daily amenities are available at shops within the community premises so that the residents do not have to travel long distances (EXPLANATION).For example, in 2017, The Times of India found in a survey that 75 percent of people prefer to live in tall buildings, as it helps they help in saving their (one pronoun can refer to one noun only) 30 percent of day’s time which they can be utilized (eliminate the subject using passive voice) in something better(please be specific)

On the other hand, horizontal city building supports helps in developing social cohesion. Due to the proximity of the number of houses, neighbors interact regularly and tend to know each other very well. Consequently, these cities have lesser cases of physical crime and psychological distress as compared to vertical cities. For example, in Punjab, my home state, people share a close bond of togetherness and harmony on various festivals since they are well known to the local community. (Is this a horizontal city? For example, Patiala, which is a horizontal city, has a culture of close interaction and people of the city celebrate various festivals such as Holi and Diwali with their neighbors. This is not seen in vertical cities such as Gurgaon.

(You must devote equal space to each view. View 2 needs to be developed more.)

By way of conclusion, I believe, that residing and working in a vertical city has more advantage as compared to the horizontal city since it provides a better space utilization.

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