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IELTS Essay Correction: Free Music and Free Films are Available Online.

These days free music and free films are available online. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the sample answer here.

Answer:

Entertainment plays a pivotal role in breaking the circle of a monotonous life. And With the proliferation of the internet and smartphones, free various sources of entertainment such as music and movies are easily freely accessible. (link sentence 1 and 2 through entertainment) However, (wrong cohesive device) it have has some favourable impacts such as it helps to rejuvenate the individual and helps in lessening the money spent reduces the expenditure on watching movies in a theater (a better choice of words will improve your bands). But the unfavorable consequences such as an increase in piracy and diverting the concentration of people also comes forth. (Better structure: WHILE this has a few advantages such as ….., this suffers from some disadvantages ranging from … to ….)

The free accessibility of films and music helps to rejuvenate the a person (This is an advantage of music, not FREE music.). After the a stressful daily routine, easily accessible music and movies not only refreshes them (noun = a person = singular. Pronoun = them = plural) but also brings a sense of joy. For instance, after hearing the mellifluous music makes me forget the hectic routine and helps to concentrate more on my work. (Make your example more FACT oriented: For example, after spending more than 12 hours at work every day, I listen to soft and soothing music from 30 minutes before going to bed. This removes stress and prepares me for the next day’s work.) Moreover, the availability of free music and movies saves the money. For example, (This is NOT an example) nowadays the young generation spends a hefty amount on watching the latest movies. They have to incur additional expenditure on transportation and food. This severely impacts the budget of a middle-class family. This expenditure can be prevented by watching the movies on Youtube or downloading them without any cost from various websites. This expenditure can be saved(Can’t save expenditure. It can be prevented. Lexical resource issue. Need to develop the idea better.)

However, many detrimental effects of free movies and music also surfaces (Restructure this sentence: However, this phenomenon has certain detrimental effects on society and economy.). First of all, it increases the piracy rate which severely impacts the revenue of film industry and tax collection for the governments. The film industry is drastically affected due it (This is not a specific sentence and does not convey any meaning.). To cite an For example, a recently released movie suffered a loss of thousands due to the piracy. The theaters were empty owing to the free accessibility of movie on the internet. (Combine the sentences to write a better sentence: For example, Avengers, a recently released Hollywood movie, suffered a loss of more than a million dollars due to free online availablity of the movie.) Secondly, it affects everyone’s life as it diverts their attention (All movies and music divert attention. How is this related to FREE music and movies?). Rather than completing the task in companies people watch movies and listen to music. (The idea is not developed. EXPLAIN it a bit more.)

To conclude, despite the fact that free access to films and songs online rejuvenates the an individual, it also encourages piracy and acts as the main culprit in distracting employee’s concentration. However, with judicious use these negative developments can be minimised.

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