Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Environment Protection of Our Planet for Future Generations – 1.

Nowadays the most important task is the environmental protection of our planet for future generations. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read correction to another student’s answer on this topic HERE.

Answer:

It is argued that protecting our environment for our future generation is our priority. While some people think that it is not the most important deliverable to future generations (term repeat), I believe that protecting the environment is the most important task in our hands not only for future generations (term repeat) but also for all the current inhabitants as well. (You can easily avoid pronouns such as OUR and it does not impact your sentence. The introduction needs to be restructured so that repetitions such as “future generations” can be avoided and more VALUE can be delivered.)

It is an undeniable fact that the environmental degradation results in climate change. This is due to cutting of countless trees (this is deforestation) that leads to deforestation, which increases the percentage of CO2 carbon dioxide emissions in the air, because of which significant increase in global (use globe only once) temperature can be observed across the globe (This is due to cutting of countless trees which is expected to result in an unprecedented increase in carbon dioxide emissions in the near future. Consequently, the future generations will have to bear global warming and its adverse consequences. The humans will suffer from severe shortage of land due to the melting of glaciers and the resultant rise in sea levels. Moreover, there will be recurrent and severe droughts during one part of the year and floods during the other part. Consequently, humans will observe a scarcity of food grains as well.). I believe if the trend continued continues, it would will become insurmountable hard to live in next few decades (how? Please explain.). For instance, in 2017 the University of Cambridge found in a recent study that there was 230 percent increase in the global temperature which resulted in melting of polar ice and raised sea level by 2 meters thus making living inhabitable near coastal areas of Greenland (This example is related to the past and does not connect with the future generations.).

Furthermore, and even more importantly environmental deterioration causes many diseases (will it cause these diseases to the future generations?). Vehicular and industrial pollution are the prime source of emitting many harmful elements such as lead and mercury which cause causes air and water pollution. When this waste is discharged untreated in the drains, these elements are absorbed by the soil and they soon find their way to crops. Thus, these harmful heavy elements enter the human food chain and adversely impact the nervous system of all humans in general and children in particular(Build a logical flow of ideas.) Due to this, the vegetation is getting impacted and thus causing ailment on consuming eatables. For example, the World Health Organisation found in a recent medical research that 80 percent of women who are facing problem in conceiving, the prime reason was directly related primarily due to to the high presence of mercury content in drinkable water across the globe. (Remember – Future generations.)

To conclude, I believe that environmental protection is a crucial activity (it is not an activity) for making the planet livable for coming generations. It is recommended that the government should educate public by social campaigns warning people about the dangers of environmental degradation.

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