Answer Checking

IELTS Essay May 2018 Correction: Cars are a Better Way of Transportation – 1.

car bicycle IELTS ELTEC

Some people think cars are a better way of transportation around the city, while other prefer cycling. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read another student’s response to this question.

Answer:

In today’s contemporary (contemporary = current) world, due to paucity of time and craze for comfort and ease, some people prefer cars to commute. Whilst, , while others find cycle to be more eco-friendly, cheaper and healthier way to travel. I strongly agree with the latter notion. (Clear, concise and organised introduction.)

Nowadays, due to busy and hectic schedule, people use the faster and convenient ways of transportation like such as cars. Although they provide comfort and ease, their adverse effects on the environment can never be denied (this paragraph is about WHY people drive cars. Not WHY they should not drive.). The dramatic increase in the number of these vehicles has have raised a grave concern of air pollution (Wrong statement). So if the unprecedented increase of cars is not checked, it will be fatal for the humans well-being. To exemplify, World Health Organization has recently released a (data is plural. datum is singular) data concerning the alarmingly high amount of toxic gases and particulate matter in the air, which has proved to be the primary cause of increased incidence of respiratory and other lung diseases such as asthma in the last few decades (No mention of cars. Lost context. PLUS, you’ve written the exact opposite. Lost context.). Therefore, alternative means of convenience should be looked for, to solve this serious issue of disturbance in ecological balance. (Oops! You should have written the exact opposite of these ideas. Why people drive cars? Explain comfort and convenience. Please click on the link above to read another student’s answer. Though that student has also made a few mistakes, it will be helpful.)

Undoubtedly, cycles are the need of the hour. As, as they are not only they are harmless to the ecosystem but also the (parallelism) economical means of transport. Non-usage of fuel in cycles also Unlike cars, cycling helps to conserve the natural resources like petroleum oil or gas, indirectly, which can thus be utilized for more important purposes such as to run industries (the essay is about two modes of transport – cars and cycles. Compare them.). In addition to this, daily cycling aids to physical fitness and keeps us healthy. Since the modern urban lifestyle is passive and sedentary, cycling to work every day plays an instrumental role in maintaining physical fitness. People should abandon cars and use bicycles to travel in a city. (context: cars, cycles, transportation, city) To illustrate, in a recent scientific study, it is revealed that the subjects who rode cycle for 20 years, on a routine basis, were found to be less susceptible to modern lifestyle diseases like high blood pressure, heart problems or diabetes.

To conclude, though cars are the convenient and speedier means of transportation, cycles are better alternatives, in terms of being cost effective (you never discussed this in the body paragraphs) and safe for to the environment. Cycling is also a solution to contemporary sedentary lifestyle (you should have used this to elaborate the idea of fitness in the second body paragraph). If cycles are used regularly, they can serve as an important tool for the maintenance of a healthy society and thus a better nation.

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