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IELTS Essay Correction: Government Should Invest Money in Arts and Cultural Events.

Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

There has been a neverending debate whether, its it is (it’s vs its) wise to allocate funds for arts and other cultural activities or, governing bodies should only spend them for the upliftment of public services only. I agree partly with both the notions, as the former strengthens the diverse culture and rich heritage of any nation while, the latter contributes to improve the basic amenities, required to lead a quality life and a nation’s social and economic progress as a whole(Though there are a few suggestions to change the sentence structure, the introduction covers all the elements. Avoid unnecessary punctuation marks)

Undoubtedly, arts and cultural concerts, (unnecessary punctuation) serve to enrich the country with diversity and heritage. These activities, aided by governments, present a glimpse of its unique customs and traditions, and also thus maintains the harmony and integrity among the different communities citizens (IDEA explained. An alternate explanation + example…. diversity and heritage. They help in maintaining unique identity of a region while strengthening the bond among various communities. For instance, the annual cultural festival of Canada, which is held every year in Ottawa, is an occasion not only to present native Indian, French, British, and Asian cultures but also to show the diversity of the country.). Besides this it, these events tend to restore preserve the treasure of varied old traditions for future generations. For instance, government funded live concerts, organized annually in Pragati Maidan, Delhi, spread and glorify, the unique and varied traditions of every state of India. Additionaly, these events attract tourists in large numbers considerably (uncountable) and thus, contributes to a significant amount of to revenue generation (contribute X to Y). Though, the expenditures ought to be wisely and judiciously planned, as generous investment is required to support basic necessities(This sentence does not add value to the answer. Rather it adds vagueness. What do you mean by BASIC NECESSITIES?)

Above all On the other hand, better public services should be the prime concern (more important thing – good job) of a government and the a handsome amount should be allocated for this purpose. Its While preserving culture is important, it is a government’s sole first responsibility to develop basic amenities like hospital, roads, rails, education for the betterment of society because these are essential not only to lead a quality life but also to serve as a boost to a nation’s economy and growth. For instance, tremendous improvements in China’s infrastructure like roads, rails, under the project SILK ROUTE Silk Route, has accelerated its trade with the neighbouring countries and thus has contributed immensely to its economic growth. This has in turn enriched the government coffers to finance cultural events. (Better context.)

To conclude, though the judicious capital investment for the promotion of arts and cultural activities is recommended to restore conserve diversity and heritage for future generations, public services should be kept always at first place by the the first priority of governing bodies as they are essential not only to improve living standards of citizens but also to boost country’s economic growth and hence prosperity.

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