Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Government Should Invest Money in Arts and Cultural Events – 1.

Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read another student’s response here.

Answer:

Some people argue that governments should allocate funds to organize events that promote art and local culture since these programs help to educate youngsters about their history. However, others believe that there are more important issues like education and unemployment where governments ought to spend money as these lead to social and economic progress. After looking at both of the arguments (You’ve note developed the arguments yet) I agree with the latter opinion.

Governments should invest in arts and cultural events since they (refers to events) can help to educate young people about their (refers to youngsters) the past. These events help young people to connect with their culture and to improve their knowledge about local traditions (this should be the third sentence in the logical development of arguments). Since in the modern world young people focus more to learn practical subjects in schools and colleges, therefore, these events are the only a way for them to learn about incidents and situations that shaped the present their past. These events This helps young people to connect with their culture and to improve their knowledge about local traditions (Past incidents and culture are in fact two different points. Discuss with me.). According to a Google study, for instance, the Indian people know about their ethnic dresses because they usually see artists wearing them in cultural events. (Where is the role of government?). (For instance, according to a recent survey, due to western trends such as jeans and fast food, most Indian students are not aware of the significance of cultural dresses and traditional food. Consequently, the government supports cultural events such as the Kumbh festival, Maghi festival to help youngsters adopt the local customs.)

On the other hand, there are many issues which can be considered more important than art, therefore, and they should get the first attention. One of them is lack of education facilities, . Many countries in the world do not have enough number of schools due to that which thousands of children are deprived of primary education every year (Is this more important than culture?). Without proper education to make personal, social, and career decisions, people can not make a wise choice related to culture. For instance, many illiterate Indians still practice the abhorrent practice of Sati and several uneducated Australians sacrifice humans to placate Gods. The governments of both countries are investing heavily in elimentary education and scientific thought to eliminate these cultural practices. For instance, according to a Cambridge study, only four out of ten children go the primary school in Asian countries (How does this make it more important than culture? Where is the role of government?). Another alarming problem is unemployment, which has become a widespread issue now (Again, is this more important than culture?). Governments are consistently failing to generate enough jobs to employ all young graduates (need context with culture). In India, for instance, around 40% young people, who have master degrees, are unemployed (Lost context).

In conclusion, there are more important issues like lack of enough jobs for young graduates and lack of school to educate all children, which should be given priority over organizing cultural programs. Therefore, I believe governments should spend money to construct more schools and to generate more jobs rather than spending to organize arts and culture events.

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