Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Should not Work Once they Reach the Retirement​ Age.

Some believe that people should not continue to work once they reach the age of retirement. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the sample answer as well.

Answer:

Thesedays, many people are physically and mentally healthy even at the age of 60 and they continue to work after retirement. It is argued that people should not work after retiring from their jobs. I agree with this opinion due to two reasons. First, the decision of retired employees to work since this can cause youth unemployment, and other reason is that working after retirement can be risky for the health of the retirees.

Firstly, many young will not find jobs if retired employees choose to continue to work. This is because in comparison to young people retired employees possess lifelong work experience and knowledge which they can use to generate great results. Therefore, companies would find them more productive and give them preference over the young and inexperienced workforce. As a result, many young people would not find suitable jobs which will increase the youth unemployment rate. For istance, the government of India has made it mandatory for people working in public sector jobs to retire after fifty five years of age so that young people can be employed. This step has helped to many more than a million youngsters Indians to get suitable employment. (A well-argued idea.)

Secondly, working after the age of retirement, which is usully above fifty sixty (you’ve written fifty five under early retirement in the paragraph above) years, can be detrimental for the health. The actual meaning of retirement is that an employee is not physically and mentally fit to work on a job. Therefore, (Wrong logic. Please re-read) Since an average human being stays physically strong and mentally alert only till the age of sixty, it is normally advised to people above fifties this age to take a break from all work commitments and spend time with their families. People above this age need more rest than youngsters and However, if some senior people still choose to work, they can face some serious health issues due to physical and mental exertion. (build a proper logical flow) To illustrate, a WHO study suggests that working after crossing (after = crossing) the age of fifty can cause several health problems like join pain, anxiety, and blood pressure. Therefore, people should not to choose working after retirement.

In conclusion, senior people should not work after attaining the age of retirement because this is not good for their health and also this can increase in youth unemployment rate.

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