Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Government Should Invest Money in Arts and Cultural Events – 2.

Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read answer corrections of Student 1 and Student 2 as well.

Answer:

A government’s primarily focus while distributing grants and provision of funding for specific tasks always The utilization of government funds for various activities is a debatable topic. Some supports support that a government needs need to support art and cultural activities as they help to prevent preserve heritage. Others advocate advocates that the government needs to focus on other essential things such as health and education of citizens because it is related to their future (because it leads to an individual’s as well as nation’s development). I believe that the government needs to adopt a balanced approach while making (allocating) budget for various tasks. (serious issues with subject-verb agreement. Too frequent mistakes. Will impact the grammar score. Paragraph structuring is fine – you’ve touched all the elements of the question.) 

Firstly, art and culture help to preserve the history of a particular community or country for upcoming future generations and connect them with their roots (IDEA well expressed. Now explain HOW this is done and prove that government support is necessary). As a result, patriotic feelings increase among citizens (Inadequate explanation: Various cultural events such as Bhangra and Gidda dance in Punjab and the Haka dance in New Zealand build the feeling of unity among people of a community. The governments must finance these events so that the people can create a unique identity.). Secondly, classical concerts and exhibitions help to promote tourism which consequently, contributes to the economic perspective growth of a country (wrong word choice) (I can’t see government financing in this argument. You’ve not explained the point. If governments fund these activities, they will become a significant source of income for the local community and this will create a safe, prosperous and bright future for the children. For instance, the government of India is spending significant resources in marketing the culture of Andaman and Nicobar so that tourism is boosted and the local residents can lead a better life.).  Additionally, provides employment to various people those involve in arrangements of such events. For example, Khalsa college Amritsar every year arranges heritage exhibition with the help of Punjab government funding which connects youth to their culture as well as contributes to government’s income also.

On the other hand contrary, various pivotal things such as health, social security, and education need government attention and financial support. Such as health, social security and education related facilities. These are helpful to maintain a healthy lifestyle and support people to earn for their livelihood. Hospitals and educational institutions need government support so that the economically weak sections of society can avail these facilities. (Explain) For instance, Federation University Australia reveals a report that states state governments funded learn local program help to develop (improve) education rate in small towns and increased employment rate by 60% in 2017 as compared to 2015.

In conclusion, I strongly recommend that there should be a balance between in financial support to art and cultural events and other significant things such as education, social security and health facilities by the government. Consequently, helps to contributes in country’s economic growth and wellbeing of citizens. While the former contributes to economic growth, the latter increases well-being of citizens.

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