Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Government Should Invest Money in Arts and Cultural Events – 3.

Some people think that the government should invest money in arts and cultural events, while others believe that the government should spend money on more important things. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read answer corrections of Student 1, Student 2 and student 3 as well.

Answer:

We have come a long way – from primitive man to a modern-day society. Our rich heritage has helped in this transition. This entire journey has been a panorama of different cultures, arts, literature, and traditions. Arts and culture are the foundation of the human society. While some people are against (they’re not against it. They just prefer something else. While some people think that government funds should be spent in more important areas such as public health and education, ……..) the idea of government spending on culture and art events, I believe that government should spend on cultural and arts events (WHY? Mention the reasons.).

Society or a nation that is reminded of its (The people who have a strong bond with their cultural heritage are more patriotic and have an affinity towards their country.) cultural heritage as strong affinition (do you mean affinity?) towards the nation (this sentence does not make any sense). This strong patriotism reflects directly in their commitments towards nation. This leads to higher economic prosperity of a nation (You need to explain HOW this leads to a strong affinity?) Since various customs and traditions are celebrated in groups, they have a magical effect of building cohesion in a society. For example, the Hindu festival of Ganpati and Muslim custom of fasting during Ramzan make the bond within the communities stronger. For example; a study conducted by Oxford University stated that the economic progress of nations where people have a higher sense of belongingness to the nation, is higher than where people don’t have the same sense of belongingness.

Also, remembering the contribution from our previous generations (are these arts and culture? Not clear.) not only pays homage to great thinkers, artists and rulers but also inspires and motivates people to become a better society. We can learn from the mistakes and hardships from previous generations and thus implement those learnings to build a better society. (How? Please write more specifically.)

Let me rephrase: Various pieces of art such as paintings and folk songs teach us about the contributions of previous generations for building a better present. These motivate us to become better members of society. For example, the Indian government has invested heavily in marketing the ballads of Heer Ranjha which teach the value of love, compassion, and sacrifice in the North Indian society. Similarly, the government is making the people aware of the folk songs on heroic sacrifices of Rani of Jhansi to give valuable lessons on patriotism.

Despite of these benefits, there are some concerns as well (The question is on a better utilization of resources.). While culture is important, the government needs to pay more attention to pressing issues of the society. In today’s time when the world is facing issues such as hunger, poverty, pollution, and unemployment, a country’s priority should be solving these issues. The money and resources required by the government to conduct cultural and art events are is huge. (You need to explain WHY these issues are MORE important by placing culture in context.) The greatest priority for all governments today is the threat of global warming. Everyone needs to take concerted steps to protect the planet and governments needs to invest in afforestation and reducing pollution. This issue certainly takes precedence over culture. For example, an article in The Tribune stated that countries spend around 1% of their GDP in hosting cultural and arts events. These funds can be better utilized when used for solving critical issues. (That’s exactly the question – HOW?)

In conclusion, I believe that countries should invest in art and cultural events as these are important for our society. A nation can take pride in of its glorious past and hardships and hence (how can the glorious past help in overcoming these issues?) can overcome the menaces that our society faces such as poverty, hunger, pollution.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing a polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.