Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Old Age vs Youth – 1.

In some culture, the old age is more valued; while in others youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the SAMPLE ANSWER as well. Here’s answer of student 1.

Answer:

Culture(a modifier) as an indispensable part of our lives(As an indispensable part of our lives, culture …….) gives different importance to the people with respect to his/her age and gender (what is the relationship between an indispensable part of our lives and importance to people?). Some cultures focus more on the elder people, (no comma) as they are the storehouse of the traditional values of the society, while other cultures give more weight weightage (no word called weightage. It’s an Indian version of weight.) to the teenagers as they are the future of the community (Well structured sentence with clear communication of ideas. Good job!). I opine that both have their own importance from a cultural perspective.

Elder people have a vast knowledge of all the aspects of a community and only they can pass the legacy to next generations. (This is not an example, but an explanation of ideas mentioned in the first sentence.) For example, it is generally seen that old age people They are well equipped with the have a deep knowledge of the rituals, folk songs, language and handicraft of a particular community and they have their skills par excellence in such fields are of par excellence (wrong word choice – equipped) (Wrong use of adjective par excellence)This helps a culture maintain its unique identity in an era of globalization and westernization. (Idea incomplete. What is the benefit?) Moreover, the elderly people are very rigid and possessive towards their culture, . They can easily withstand the change of time which is the basic necessity to keep the cultural identity intact. They do not get swayed by rapid changes in food such as the introduction of fast food. Moreover, they prefer traditional clothing rather than modern western concepts such as skirts and jeans. (sufficiently explain the idea.)

On the other hand side, in some cultures youth are looked as a strong link between the present (youth are the present. How can they be a link?) and past generations, . Their keenness (explain keenness.) towards their cultural values ensures that they will pass them (wrong pronoun. Them should refer to cultural values. But it actually refers to youngsters) to the next generation/ their offspring. (The idea is neither clear nor well explained.) Moreover, support as well as the closeness of youngsters to their own cultures lay the foundation of a strong communal harmony among the people, which is vital for the survival of a culture. (HOW? Explain. Develop the argument.) Apart from this, youths are the representatives of their community and the way they interact and behave with the outer world is very instrumental in making a public opinion regarding their community. (HOW? Explain.) 

Conclusively, I still reiterate that both young, as well as old, are complementary to each other as far as their importance is concerned with respect to their culture. If the elders are the foundations, than the youths are the future of a community, hence they are the two sides of a coin.

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