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IELTS Essay Correction: Old Age vs Youth

In some cultures old age is more valued while in others youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the SAMPLE ANSWER as well.

Answer:

In today’s world of varied cultures, some societies pay more regards to senior people/citizens since they enrich them with their precious lifetime experiences and also serve to preserve the unique culture and moral values while, in other regions, youngsters are considered more important, as they benefit the society with their energy and innovations. I partly agree with both the notions. (I believe both are equally important for the progress of a society.)

It is beyond doubts doubt that (Undoubtedly, the elderly ……) elderly people benefit a society with their rich experience (idea clearly stated). They share their mistakes (knowledge of systems, extensive skills, and important mistakes) and suggest the possible solutions to a problem which could be utilized for the betterment of the community. If their experience is not utilized, a society will be doomed to commit the same mistakes and learn the same lessons again and again. (Need to develop the idea better.) Moreover, The older people play a crucial role in maintaining the unique identity of a society by preserving the old traditions and customs, and, thus, maintaining the unique identity of any society. (sentence restructuring) They nurture the younger generations with morals, ethics and social values which would otherwise be lost in the contemporary world. To exemplify, in the Indian marriages, elderly people are cautious and implement all the rituals and traditions, and ensure that all participants are dressed in ethnic wear and are served with the traditional Indian food. However, there should be a scope of amendments, if old rituals are harmful to the community. For instance, sati was a deadly tradition in India, in which widows were forced to die after their husband’s death. This noxious ritual was later abolished by the modern governments. (This idea violates the paragraph’s theme.)

Conversely, youths the youth decides the future of any nation and, their its energy and new ideas contribute to the a nation’s progress and prosperity. Their vital role in the advancements of science and technologies has hiked accelerated the developmental process and, their positive attitude and innovative brains has have not only added to efficiency but has also increased the economic productivity of a country many folds. (this is the right place to mention some of the contributions of youngsters in the development of S&T. Youngsters have played an instrumental role in the development of computers. Most of the engineers developing software and applications are youngsters below the age of 30.) However, they must not forget their elders lessons of ethics, values and their unique culture. To illustrate, in many Asian countries, youths are infatuated by western culture and copy their clothing such as jeans and t-shirts. (Add more about youngsters. Choose any one area – leadership, climate change, social reforms, anti-corruption movements. Explain that area to develop a proper argument.)

Hence, In conclusion, I believe that youth, as well as elders, should be respected equally valued as both of them contribute to the society positively and serve to build a more socially progressive and economically prosperous (progressive and prosperous are not clear without these adjectives) nation enriched with social values. Though I suggest that both the generations should be flexible enough to accept the positive changes, if required to make a sustainable and growing society.

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