Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Childcare Training Courses Should be Mandatory for All Parents – 1.

Childcare training courses should be mandatory for all parents. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

These days mostly couples are working and sharing their responsibility toward looking after their children (these cannot be part of the same thought. They need to be two separate ideas. Discuss with me.) they share the responsibility of looking after their children. Some advocate that compulsory childcare training for parents will be beneficial to parents because it helps to understand children’s needs so they upbring them carefully (Pronoun mistake: they refers to parents, them refers to children). I have an optimal opine ?? because it can be useful as well as expensive and unnecessary for some parents also. (Can’t take a middle ground. The question does not permit this. Discuss with me.)

Parents, especially, (wrong placement of a comma can change the meaning of your sentence) on the birth of the first child, need assistance and guidance to look after their child. (Okay. But why? This is not an idea.) Moreover, to understand their (their in the previous sentence refers to parents. This one seems to refer to parents again.) basic essential needs and to respond them immediately (incomplete sentence.) (They need to understand the child’s basic needs and respond to them immediately). Therefore, compulsory childcare training for parents is significant. For example, Victoria University revealed a report which states that 70% young parents cannot understand reasons of their children’s restlessness and crying in the early stage. Majority of parents connect this only with hunger. O and other components such as restless sleep, pain and upset stomach are neglected by them (I like this example. Specific. To the point.). Additionally, childcare training for parents undoubtedly, for new parents uplift their knowledge about looking after their children more safely. (please elaborate “knowldege about safety” to develop an argument for this point.) Consequently, parents can provide them sound environment for growth.

(The paragraph written below does not comply with the demands of the question. I’m correcting this from grammar, sentence correction and lexical resource perspective.)

On the contrary side, provision of childcare training to all parents can be challenging (HOW? Explain this before moving to the next point. Since both parents are usually engaged in jobs to support the family these days, it is sometimes impossible to find time to attend these courses.). Furthermore, it can be expensive and time consuming (HOW?). Basically, This can led to young couples on way to abortion if they found such compulsory trainings for the sake of their career (Badly structured sentence. Discuss.). Additionally, if the expenditures are out of their affordability (You’re back to EXPENSIVE which was stated above.) can influenced their mental health (how?). Another pivotal point is this can impact on other economic productivities. Taking leaves from work can impact on their work productivityies and output of various businesses. 

In conclusion, compulsory childcare training for parents can lead to serious issues. Rather than this, free online material on websites related to childcare and parental training will be more useful. Hence, since it can be accessed according to convenience and availability of parents.

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