Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People Moving to Other Nations.

migration IELTS Essay May 2018.jpg

A lot of people are moving to other nations. Some people say it is good for children while others say that it creates more problems. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Read Sample Answer here

Answer:

Immigration to another country may worry some people especially when children are involved due to high chance that they might may carry on absorb foreign manners and beliefs, or face difficulty in adapting with to a new culture. However, I believe that moving to a new place will not be is not (maintain the same tense. Do not switch from present to future.) as hard as expected, and also will makes them enjoy new experiences.

To begin with, children are flexible when it comes to getting used to a new environment. Even though some children might face a cultural shock at the beginning, but (Even though X, Y. No need of BUT.) soon enough they will accept the new surroundings due to active support of parents and siblings because children still feel like belonging wherever their parents are. (Okay, they’re flexible. But is to GOOD for them? State this explicitly.) In addition, parents role play a huge factor play a vital role in building up a child’s ethics and manners. Moving to another place is not a problem if the parents will make an effort in raising their offspring according to their origins. For instance, Saudi families who live abroad in western countries can teach their children that greeting the other gender by shaking hands breaks Arabic traditions. (Is moving abroad good or bad? I guess you were supposed to discuss the drawbacks. I can’t see them. Lost task response in this paragraph.)

On the other hand, you parents can guarantee a better education opportunity by migrating to a developed country (Please remember, the exam is about communication. Incomplete ideas do not convey the message clearly and this will hamper your score.). The unique experience of studying in a different foreign language will improve(since we’re communicating in general, simple present tense is a better choice) a child’s skills and memory by practicing two (multiple) languages at once. According to that Accordingly, they, fortunately, will have more choices in choosing a university program that suites their desires. For instance, a multi language speaking person will have has the chance to apply in programs that either require his mother-tongue language, or the demand a second language which he previously learned in school while living in his native country abroad(either X or Y. X and Y are parallel.) (You’ve used ABROAD twice. It does not convey the message clearly. One is a western country, other is the native country.)

In conclusion, benefits outweigh the issues that parents might face while raising their offspring in a different nation than their own. Thus, no fears should be considered when moving to another region.

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