Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Advice From Doctors OR Internet – 2.

Some people prefer to get advice from doctors while others prefer internet for medical recommendations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some people chose doctors to attain their (Lexical resource issue: You can’t attain suggestions, you can receive them.) for suggestions when needed assistance related to their health because doctors have authorized professional degrees and trustworthy medical knowledge (Need more appropriate words to express ideas clearly). Others preferred to select (prefer conveys the same meaning as select) online information related to myriads health issues because this information is almost free and easy to access. I personally believe that consultation with doctors about health-related issues are more beneficial rather than rely on online advice advices(You’ve followed the paragraph structure perfectly. However, you need to work on the lexical resource.) 

These days various specialists are available to provide suggestions and treatments on several health-related issues. Obviously, doctors obtain degrees and professional accreditation. (These two sentences seem to convey an idea. But neither the idea nor the explanation is clear. You’re supposed to explain why people prefer doctors?”)

Moreover, to maintain the standard they require to complete latest courses and obtain knowledge (complete and obtain are parallel) on a particular subject or their specialty (parallelism: particular X or Y. X = subject; Y = their specialty.). (Okay, so should people prefer doctors? Please write this explicitly. People prefer doctors since they have knowledge of latest developments in the domain of medical science (IDEA). They have to complete latest courses and obtain knowledge in an area of expertise. For example, a cancer specialist has to regularly update her know-how of chemotherapy so that she can serve her patients better. (EXPLANATION – proper arguments))

Additionally, doctors follow the standard procedure to tackle the situation. S such as asking questions to patients, taking consent before discussing a case with other doctors or specialists as well as asking for an appropriate laboratory test to diagnose the illness. (Three points: 1. use such as with the noun it exemplifies. Here it gives information about procedure. 2. asking, taking, asking are parallel. 3. The idea is not developed. See below.) Thus, a majority of the patients and people seek help for their health from doctors. A research conducted by UK university found that 70% people preferred to consult a doctor rather than trying own traditional and online knowledge for health problems (Why? The example is meant to be a further explanation of an idea and not a mere statement of numbers.). 

Let me rephrase with a proper structure: Additionally, unlike the internet, doctors make proper inquiries before suggesting a medicine (IDEA). A doctor discusses a patient’s case in detail, asks counter questions and suggests numerous laboratory tests before reaching a conclusion (EXPLANATION). For example, a recent study revealed that more than 90 percent of Indians prefer doctors over the internet since they study various facts before suggesting a course of action (EXAMPLE).

On the other hand, the popularity of different websites and online channels (popularity can not provide information. Wrong idea.) provide information on various diseases and symptoms. (Why do people visit them? EXPLAIN before moving to the next point.) Moreover, some (to whom does this SOME refer to? The internet?) provide suggestions to cope with illness by following treatment methods which include making own medication by using products available in market or order online (This sentence has a strong deviation from the topic since it is ONLY about the internet and not about self-medication from market.). The major attraction of people to chose this is easy accessibility because people can access this (Pronoun mistake: One pronoun in a stem must refer back to the same noun. The first this refers to the internet, the second one refers to medicines.) material at any time. There is no time restriction to read the information.

(Lack of idea structuring in the paragraph above will hamper your score. Let me put sentences in an organized fashion. The internet is an easily accessible source of information related to various diseases and symptoms (IDEA using sentence 1 and 3 above). It readily provides suggestions from various online videos, blogs, and forums about various treatment options and self-medication options while staying at home (EXPLANATION using sentence 2).)

In conclusion, despite, taking (wrong use of despite) risk to apply information supplied by anonymous personality without a relevant degree (You never mentioned about “relevant degree” in the essay.), doctors are the best persons to contact in medical circumstances because they provide accurate information. 

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