Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Consumer Goods Production Damaging Natural Environment – 2.

The trend of increased consumer goods production is damaging the natural environment. Why is it happening? What are the solutions for this situation?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Please read the sample answer HERE.

Answer:

These days consumer goods are produced at a vast scale which has an adverse effect on the environment. Changing lifestyle of consumers and increasing population are the major factors contributing to this damage and this environmental damage it (need not repeat this damage. Use it to refer back.) can be reduced by taking some effective measures. (The introduction is well structured and you’ve mentioned the reasons behind the phenomenon.)

Advancement of technology has offered a comfortable lifestyle as most of the routine tasks ranging from washing clothes to cooking food are performed using machines ranging from washing clothes to cooking food (washing clothes and cooking food are not examples of machines). Thus the search for comfortable life (word repetition) has encouraged (maintain the present tense) people to buy up to date machinery (The sentence till this point is the repetition of the idea stated in the first sentence. Just in different words); which . This, in turn, enhances the production of new products consumer goods (word repetition: product-production) in unprecedented quantity (makes idea stronger) resulting in depletion of raw materials and producing emission more environmental pollution (Two points: 1. The right word with pollution is emissionProduction is not wrong. Emission is just a better choice. 2. You’ve violated the principle of parallelism. DEPLETION is a noun while PRODUCING is a verb.). Moreover, the phenomenon of discarding previously used products, instead of repairing them it, has contributed to rise in rubbish. (HOW? Do not leave an idea unexplained. Explanation: For example, with constant upgrades in smartphones and computers, people prefer changing their mobiles and laptops every six months without responsibly disposing of the previous ones. This electronic waste has seriously destroyed the air and water in various parts of the world.) Another factor contributing to an increase in environmental damage is the increasing population. More goods are being produced to serve the needs of citizens and the proportion of waste material is also rising. According to a survey conducted in 2016, the population of India has grown by 25% in last decade and so does the environmental pollution. (The population did not increase the pollution directly. There should be a logical flow of ideas that lead to a conclusion. For example, according to the Census of India, the country’s population has increased by 25 percent in the last decade. This has increased demand for food, clothes, houses, and water resulting in severe pressure on the natural resources.)

However, several measures can be taken by individuals as well as governments to address this problem. First of all, individuals should adopt the habit of repairing old stuff instead of buying new. (Elaborate in a sentence: Items such as plastics, electronic goods, air conditioners can be easily recycled or repaired.) In addition, the use of biodegradable material should be adopted by citizens to lessen the amount of rubbish produced each year. (Elaborate in a sentence: People can easily and comfortably replace plastic and paper bags with jute bags which are not only long lasting but also environment-friendly.) Secondly, (The previous point is second.) Moreover, governments should impose some serious regulations on manufacturing factories units (factories = manufacturing units.) for producing waste and vendors should be encouraged to use eco-friendly manufacturing processes. (NOTE: You can easily avoid the last point, which is vague and not clear. Just mention two solutions and elaborate each in one sentence.)

To conclude, ever increasing manufacturing of consumer goods is causing serious environmental damage. However, this problem can be addressed by taking some serious measures by both governments and citizens.

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