Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Teach Children About Money Matters – 2.

Many people believe that parents should teach their children about money matters. What are the best ways to teach a child about money, in your opinion? Give some examples from your own experience. 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Parents are considered children’s first teachers as they teach basic good habits (Two points: 1. Basic, good habits is not clear. They are not as clear to a layman as various rules and moral values. 2. Anyone who teaches basic good values is not the first teacher. There seems to be no connection.), various rules and moral values to their children. (Parents are considered children’s BEST teachers since they have a strong bond and spend the most time with kids.) Majority of people emphasize that parents should teach children to manage money and realize the value of money by adopting various methods such as saving money to buy a special appliance or gift for friends and parents or and earn money by helping parents in house chores. (Reasons clearly mentioned.)

There are myriads (myriad = infinite, a number that can’t be counted. Please use a more appropriate word since methods are countable.) numerous (various) methods popular in these days and can be used to teach children the value of money. Involvement of children in earning money by doing activities is a significant step. Like p Parents can motivate children to do a specific task and get give (the subject is parents) money as a return reward. For example, I give five dollars weekly to my daughter as a salary on completion of for tidying up her bedroom daily, and that money is used by her to deposit weekly in her school banking. 

Secondly, parents can allow children to do some paid work which is appropriate according to their age and safety. Distributing flyers, for instance, to letterboxes by walking to nearest residential areas will be beneficial (Beneficial for what? Moreover, merely distributing is NOT beneficial. EXPLAIN the idea. Giving them a monetary incentive to distribute newspapers and flyers in a neighborhood is beneficial in teaching them the importance of money. They learn that money is earned by doing a productive activity. This makes them more cautious in spending their parent’s money in an efficient manner.). Additionally, Hindustan Times published an article on benefits of teenager’s work in western countries. Overall, mentioned 60 % working teenagers save money for their higher education and gain success on turning adults as compare to those teenagers who did not work during school time period. (You’ve just stated a fact. This is not an argument. Develop a point using logic. EXAMPLE: Moreover, the Hindustan Times recently reported that teenagers who work and save money during school are more successful in life than their peer group. They develop a habit of making the right choices for business and family and have strong negotiating skills that help them in building a strong career.)

Moreover, parents can involve children in planning grocery shopping list and guide to avoid buying unnecessary products. Children soon begin realizing that the money should be spent on necessary items such as food and clothing and not on luxury items ranging from perfumes to expensive chocolates. Obviously, this helps to save money and reduce its wastage of money on buying non-essential items unneeded stuff. (no word called unneeded) EXPLAIN the point.

In conclusion, it is essential to teach children money related things such as saving, managing and earning by adopting the above mentioned pivotal approaches. Therefore, children will be wise and happy citizens in future. (You can be more specific in the last sentence since the meaning of WISE and HAPPY are vague. This will make children responsible citizens and transform them into economically prosperous adults.) 

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