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IELTS Essay Correction: Children Should Concentrate on All School Subjects Equally.

Some people believe that children should concentrate on all school subjects equally but others think that they should focus on subjects which they find interesting and can do the best.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Education plays a vital role in the overall development of children a child. And the Some people believe that various subjects introduced in the education system enhance their (a child = subject = singular. their = plural) knowledge about numerous subjects. While others (there are no others without some) argue that focusing on a subject of a child’s interest not only increases subject effectiveness but also reduces stress level (good use of not only but also construction). In my opinion, the student should focus on all the subjects as it maintains the interest (the very idea of all subjects is opposite of interest. Express ideas more clearly.) prevents boredom and also provides numerous job opportunities. (A more appropriate structure for discuss both views and give your opinion – refer voice notes.)

Clearly, many believe that students should learn all the subjects, whether they like it or not. By Studying various subjects not only enhances their knowledge but also never let get prevents them from getting bored (enhances and prevents are parallel). For instance, by studying Biology they gain the basic knowledge about the constitution of human beings. Whereas, Geography provides them a thorough information about our mother Earth (Avoid using pronoun our). And maths mathematics helps them to deal with the numbers. (Does this prevent boredom? The theme is not addressed. Restructure: For instance, when children spend an hour studying about the human body in a biology class and are about to get bored, they can switch to a geography book which teaches about various components of the Earth. Similarly, when they feel tired of mathematics, they can begin studying social studies. Changing these subjects breaks monotony and prevents boredom.) Moreover, it also helps a child to change jobs in the future. For example, if he’s tired of being a teacher and want to be a nurse, he can easily adapt to the changed career as he have has the basic fundamental (basic = fundamental) knowledge about the biology of the human body. (This point is not strongly argued. Would have been better if you had raised a similar point: Moreover, exposure to numerous subjects enables a child to find out the areas in which he is interested. Studying mathematics, science, history, literature, geography, and physical education gives sufficient knowledge about all domains to make a suitable career choice. For example, a recent survey of Harvard University’s medical students revealed that most of them believed that an exposure to biology during school was instrumental in making a career choice.)

On the other hand, studying the subject of one’s interest deepens the knowledge about the subject. (EXPLAIN How? This prevents any diversion of energy and focus to other subjects and the student can devote more time to the subject he finds interesting.) There are many scholars and scientists who focused mainly on their favourite subjects. For instance, Albert Einstein and Issac Newton mainly concentrated on physics and maths mathematics and made miraculous discoveries and inventions. Furthermore, it also reduces the stress level as the child only focuses on one subject and can give their his 100 percent to it (the child = singular; their = plural)(EXPLAIN the idea. Do not leave it unexplained. A psychological study has revealed that forcibly spending the time on subjects that are boring increases the stress in children. When they are unable to perform satisfactorily, they develop depression and, in certain cases, commit suicide.)

To conclude, even though studying the subject of one’s interest increases subject effectiveness and reduces stress but it also makes the subject dull and uninteresting over a course of time (no BUT with though). With the basic knowledge about all subjects not only maintains their interest in studies but also provides them various job options in the future.

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