Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Increasing Price of Petrol.

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Traffic congestion and the environment pollution has have now become pressing issues. To tackle these problems some people believe that the price of petrol should be increased. However, (You’ve expressed contrast through disagree, no need of however.) I strongly disagree with them as this step would not reduce the use of cars. In my opinion, if governments should develops better public transportation system, these issues can be solved. (do not use should in IF, THEN clause)

The rise in the cost of gasoline will not have any effect on the traffic and pollution problem because the use of personal vehicle, especially cars, will not reduce. The majority of car owners belongs to the upper middle class, and they can afford to pay increased petrol cost. These people would use cars for traveling even if they need to pay a high price for petrol. For instance, the price of petrol has increased by 20% in Delhi in last two years, which, however, and this has a little effect on the use of personal cars as city roads are still full of vehicles and pollution level has also reached to an alarming level. (Link WHICH to the word it modifies. PLUS: The arguments can be better developed as I’ve done below: For instance, in the last two years, the price of gasoline in New Delhi has appreciated by more than 20 percent which has almost no impact on the number of cars in the city’s roads. The average time of travel from one part of the city to another has, unexpectedly, increased by 15 percent.)

Therefore, new ways should be adopted to tackle the problem of environmental pollution and road congestion. The best of them is the development of a quality public transportation system which (the correct usage of which, unlike above) can motivate people to travel through buses and trains instead of driving to their work. To illustrate, Dubai is a pollution and traffic free country city in the world, because of their its state of art transportation system. People living in Dubai prefer public transport over using their personal vehicle as they find it convenient and economical cost friendly(The example can be better developed by making it more specific. To illustrate, in the last decade, Dubai has transformed itself from a polluted city with frequent traffic jams to a pollution free city by investing heavily in Dubai metro and a bus rapid transit system. With the help of electric taxis, these systems provide a smooth end-to-end connectively.)

In conclusion, since people have money to pay increased fuel cost I disagree that rise in petrol cost would be effective to control the road traffic and pollution level. Hence, other more effective measures like advancement in public transport should be considered.

Though the essay is well-structured, there is some scope for better development of ideas.

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