Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Advice From Doctors OR Internet – 3.

Some people prefer to get advice from doctors while others prefer internet for medical recommendations. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Some individuals opt for doctors to seek for (no preposition after seek) best suggestions in matters of illness and health regarding issues (redundancy) as doctors are the authentic persons (these words are vague and do not convey the idea clearly) professionally trained to cure any disease. Others favor the use of websites and internet platforms since abundant information is available for free in the areas of medical medicine (medical is an adjective that requires a noun) and healthcare. I believe in the former view. (Though the introduction is well structured, it has ample scope for improvement.)

Doctors are the most authentic professionals to guide in the case of any health emergency. (You need to explain how they’re authentic. They spend more than a decade learning about various diseases that afflict humans and possible course of action in different cases.) Major diseases such as cardiovascular, (this is not a disease. This refers to anything related to heart muscles.) cancer or medical surgeries can only be treated by a qualified person, who not only gives best recommendations but also the right prescribed medicine. The authenticity of getting the accurate advice cannot be challenged by any other tech-savvy devices device (any = singular) (humans are tech-savvy, not devices. Wrong message communication.) as it requires a lot of study, practice, and knowledge to become a medical professional (this means doctor) like doctors. To quote an example, a majority of people in a family were in the favour of taking suggestions from a doctor as they believed it is the most safe and secure method, a research conducted on 1000 families. This is not a well-structured example. For example, there can be multiple reasons behind a simple headache and only a qualified practitioner can conduct relevant tests and make an accurate diagnosis of the real problem. 

On the other hand, the internet provides plenty of information on medical issues (medical is an adjective that should be used with a noun only) and health. Tons of websites and videos on youtube videos are present on the web which guides many people not only on a day to day health care not only guide people about daily health issues but also provide know-how about almost any disease (the right placement of not only but also so that parallelism is maintained. guide and provide are verbs and parallel. Please read the article on Rules of Parallelism). Medical home remedies to cure various types of flu and other diet-related issues (badly structured sentence. It gives an impression that CURE is for flu and diet-related issues. Parallelism – cure and address are parallel. Medical home based remedies to cure various types of flu and address diet-related issues ….) are available for free of charges. To exemplify, many teenagers spend their time on the internet at first when they seek information about any medically related query, the times news researchThe example does not convey the message clearly: A Times of India research has revealed that the internet is an incredibly important source of preventing problems such as hypertension and diabetes since it provides credible information about diet and exercise.

To sum up, it is acceptable to get knowledge from the web on small minor health issues but in the case of bigger (emergencies are always bigger) medical emergencies an individual should seek guidance from the correct (wrong word choice) a qualified person as doing such act of negligence might cost someone a valuable life.

Several Issues:

1. Understand the rules of parallelism. Read the article and ask me questions.

2. Try using more appropriate words and avoid redundancy (refers to using words which are not needed to express ideas)

3. Learn how to structure an example.

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