Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Should Concentrate on All School Subjects Equally – 1.

Some people believe that children should concentrate on all school subjects equally but others think that they should focus on subjects which they find interesting and can do best. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Schooling is the first step towards attaining knowledge. Some people believe that children should concentrate on all school subjects equally but others think that they should focus on subjects which they find interesting and can do best (Since this is a “discuss both views” essay, it is better to MENTION the reasons supporting each view.). Both the opinions are true. According to me, a child’s education in school is a step by step process(You must explicitly state “I believe” to express your opinion. What is a “step by step process”? All ideas and explanations should be specific and clear.) Some people believe that children should concentrate on all school subjects equally as this helps in better decision making, others think that they should focus on subjects they find interesting since this builds a strong career(MENTION the reasons concisely without losing specificity.)

Firstly, (This sentence is the theme of the paragraph. It can’t begin a firstly. Use this with reasons.) Children should be introduced to all the subjects in school. This enables them to develop a basic assimilation of different subjects. (Firstly, children should be introduced to all subjects in school SINCE this enables them to develop ……) (But why do they need to assimilate different subjects? Develop proper arguments. An understanding of history, society, biology, mathematics, and arts help them make better decisions in life and become responsible citizens.) For example, children ought to be oriented about at least two to three languages. One should be their mother tongue so that they can understand the content easily. The other, an international language so that communication of ideas and thoughts etc. becomes possible. (Another way to express the same example efficiently: For example, children should learn at least three languages so that they can effectively communicate with people of different cultures.) Moreover, all the subjects are interdisciplinary in nature and therefore contribute to the a child’s wholesome understanding of the world a child. Once the children have been exposed to the basic nuances of a variety of subjects, they can easily decide for themselves. (I think your second idea is infact an explanation of the first idea.)

However, there are others who think that a child should focus on only those subjects that they find interesting. As discussed above, once children have learned briefly about various subjects, they can choose to focus on those subjects that are enjoyable and captivating. An interest develops into a passion. Once a child is passionate about a certain subject they he (subject = a child = singular) can explore the subject in depth. (This paragraph does not EXPLAIN why a student should study a specific subject that he finds interesting. When a child studies a subject that he finds interesting, he develops a deeper understanding that shapes a bright future. For example, eminent scientist Albert Einstein was deeply interested in Physics since childhood and he ignored all other subjects to focus on understanding the concepts of this subject. This not only helped him build a strong career but also serve the humanity with his relativity theory.)

To conclude, I believe that all subjects contribute significantly to a child’s comprehension and application skills. Such skills are necessary in the long run in order to have a clear and concise thought process.

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