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IELTS Essay Correction: Children Should Concentrate on All School Subjects Equally – 2.

Some people believe that children should concentrate on school subjects equally but others think that they should focus on subjects that they find interesting and can do the best. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

A school curriculum plays a vital role in the development of a child. People have conflicting views regarding this fact (what does THIS refer to? There is no conflict that the curriculum plays a vital role. Conflict is about the composition of the curriculum. You never mentioned that) like some People have a conflicting opinion about the composition of the curriculum. One school of thought believes that there should be equal concentration on each subject by the scholars should be similar (concentration cannot be SIMILAR. Wrong choice of words.) irrespective instead of only studying their favorite subject (this idea is conveyed in the following part) while other masses of people ponder that pupils ought to work on fascinating (fascinating is not the same as subjects that students find interesting) subjects in which they have more inclination. Before presenting my final verdict, it is important to investigate both the arguments.

On the one hand, some people think that every subject has its own importance and students should focus on those (every subject = singular) all subjects equally without any discrimination because by following this strategy they can broaden this broadens their horizon in each domain of life for future endeavors. (In the following sentence you’ve mixed IF, THEN and FROM …. TO …… constructions in a wrong manner. There can’t be a then between FROM and TO. Complete from X to Y and use then component of IF, THEN clause. Remember then is silent) If a student studies each and every subject from elementary age then up to his higher education (From X to Y – X and Y should be parallel. Elementary and his are NOT parallel) or at a tertiary stage he will become an all-rounder in deep knowledge of subjects and this skill would be useful in any area of his upcoming profession either in arts, commerce, science and technology (missing “OR” in “either….. or…..”) (Upcoming = Something which is about to appear or presented. Prefession can’t be upcoming.). For example, according to a recent survey report by the Central Board of School Education (Delhi) revealed that (Subject = According to. “According to” can’t reveal) students who indulged themselves in every subject equally from their primary education to university stage they are having have options of broad area to select for their future businesses and jobs. (This is not a strong example. For example, since I had studied all subjects during my elementary and secondary education, I had a wide variety of career options to choose from during the college. I finally chose psychology and started my business since I had studied biology, marketing, accounting, and chemistry during the school days.)

On the other hand, many consider that pupils should focus only on the subjects in which whom they are more prone to work and study because of many reasons. Firstly, due to a higher rate of success (incomplete sentence). When a child inculcates engages (wrong word – inculcate. There is a subtle but vital difference in the meaning of the two words.) himself in a particular subject due to his keen interest he always tries to put his an extra effort with full hard work and dedication to become more successful. Additionally, he will be more content and delight (content and delight about what? There words act as verbs only if they are followed by an object. Otherwise the former is an adjective and the latter is a noun. This violates parallelism. Additionally, he will be contented and delighted with his performance.) with a sense of fulfillment. If a child has is given full (absolute) freedom to opt subjects (a subject) according to his own (his = own) choice without any compulsion from an early age he will be more happy and satisfied to study his favorite subject and would choose same for his profession. For an instance, an online recruiting website observed that employees who have chosen their job profile in their interested field had already studied that subject more eagerly in their school days more eagerly(wrong placement) (For example, famous writers such as George Bernard Shaw and Arundhati Roy were more interested in literature during childhood and avoided all other subjects. This helped them build a strong career.)

In conclusion, although to study studying all subjects broaden the cognitive skills of a child. but (no need of but with althoughI personally believe that self-satisfaction and success are more important elements to be considered for the bright future of a child. I myself have studied science subject with more inclination in my school days and now I am highly satisfied, elated and successful science teacher.

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