Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Sports Professionals Earn a Great Deal More Money Than People in Other Professions – 1.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.

Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

You can read corrections of another student on the same topic HERE.

Answer:

People who are successful in sports and games are able to earn a huge amount of extra money in comparison to those who work working in other professions some different significant fields (You MUST use the keywords written in the question statement. This is NOT a repetition.). While some believe that this is completely fine, others find it as a partial attitude. I believe in the former view.

The ones who achieved achieve success in professional sports bring name, fame, and glory of a to their country before the world (You just bring glory. It is never before someone.). As they are famous in the public the famous face in sports (famous in public builds better logic), they deserve their chance to get additional (lucrative) contracts through advertisements and promote products not only on the national level but also the international front. To quote an example, Sachin Tendulkar, a cricketer who got India a world cup is a known character across the world and its because of his achievements, able to earn much money through global advertising promotional features. (Do other professionals lack achievements?) Thus, many sports professionals, who are qualified persons able to earn note more many, undoubtedly. (Are other professionals not as qualified?)

You need to make a comparison to present a difference between the two: While other professionals make significant contributions, they are not as famous in the public as sportspersons. People recognize sportspersons, try to follow their example, and watch them play. Thus, they sign heavy fees to play a match and deserve lucrative advertisement contracts.

However, many think that it is not justified as people in other professions do an equal amount of hard work, but get limited paychecks. Any job requires dedication and an equal amount of focus, therefore, it (refers back to any job) should be presented with an equal opportunity to get extra earnings. (Do extra earnings make them equal to sportspersons? All professionals ranging from sportspersons to doctors and engineers make dedicated efforts to fulfill tasks and, therefore, they should be rewarded equally.) To exemplify, people working for the government such as delegates often have a fixed salary, and no other sources and avenues available for extra income (I bet they have. But that does not make them equal to sports professionals.). Therefore, it is not fully justified to earn more money in comparison to the sportspersons (You’re opposing the views expressed in the body paragraph. I can’t see any mention – direct or indirect – of the word UNFAIR).

In conclusion, I believe that people who are popular in sports deserve their chance to earn extra money (extra money is not the same as more money) as they are not common people. They spend their life in practice and hardwork to bring name and fame for a country, and their career is also for a limited time, so they being able to earn more money is completely justified.

The essay’s body paragraphs lack proper task response.

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