Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: People are Surrounded by Advertising.

Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Nowadays, advertisements are highly ubiquitous (ubiquitous = everywhere. No need of highly.) all around the world, due . Due to this universal fact people’s thinking ability is affectinged and their life is facing detrimental impacts. I completely disagree with this notion that advertising has a negative effect on people’s lives. (The first sentence is presented as if that is your opinion. If that is NOT your opinion and you plan to challenge it in the next sentence, you should use “some people”. Nowadays, advertisements are ubiquitous and some people think that this has a negative impact …… I completely disagree with this since advertisements inform us about latest products and services.) Whatever your opinion, please MENTION the reasons supporting it.

To begin with, commercials are highly beneficial to know about newly launched products for prospective customers. When manufacturers innovate (not every product is an innovation. Not an appropriate word to express ideas.) an unfamiliar branded (The use of word branded makes no sense here.) product then to publicize it among commodities (commodities is not a synonym for products. Moreover, the publicity is among people. Not commodities.) it is necessary to take help of advertisements through which producers can do publicity (You could have completed the idea in fewer words at the previous publicity/ publicize) of their products and goods. (When companies manufacture new products, they need to advertise the goods so that people can understand the benefits of these goods. Moreover, this also helps these items to stand out from rest of the competition.) For example, According to ITC(If you miss this comma, “ITC food industry” becomes one name.) food industry, 73% of their its ready to eat food products launched in 2015 were purchased by costumers only by watching extravagant commercials. (The idea is that advertisements help people learn about a new product. But the example nowhere reflects this. For example, according to ITC, the advertisements that convey information about distinguishing features and uses of its food products are most effective instruments of increasing sales.)

In addition, advertisements have played a vital role in enhancing the profit of for businesses. If an entrepreneur or a company bombards customers with overloaded information about their goods and materials (goods = materials) by various medium then approached the (the refers back to customers mentioned above) customers are inclined towards their products and buy these goods in to a higher extent than competitors (higher X than Y) that will (maintain the same tense) directly increases the profit of companies. For instance, a famous Indian Tycoon and owner of Reliance IT industries, Mukesh Ambani, (need a comma here) revealed his a hike in business only due to more publicity of his schemes and plans across the country to allure all age groups people. (allure people of all age groups)

In conclusion, I personally believe that advertisements are influencing people‘s lives’ in a progressive way in regard of profitable gain for business people and for future customers and I also disagree that people advertisements have a deleterious effect on their lives due to commercials. (people can’t have a negative impact on their own lives.) In upcoming the coming years, the government (The government had no role in the essay. I can’t see its utility in the conclusion.) will implement some advertising strategies that could be advantageous for people. (Please read the difference between COMING and UPCOMING.)

You essay has numerous sentence structuring, lexical resource mistakes. There are a few tenses mistakes as well. You’ve tried to develop the arguments, which is a commendable job. However, the sheer number of other mistakes dwarfed your performance in this area.

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