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IELTS Essay Correction: Preserving Natural Environment is Crucial.

Some people believe that preserving natural environment is crucial. However, most make no effort to do so. Why do you think this is happening? What are some simple actions that could help the environment?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is considered by some that conserving the natural environment is of an utmost importance because it is the lifeline of a planet. While many feel reluctant in doing so (The right construction is “WHILE X, Y” or “X, WHILE Y”: While some people believe that conserving the ………. planet, others feel the opposite.). In my opinion, this is happening due to the lack of insight of into the repercussions of their actions. I believe that by taking simple steps such as commuting through public transport and recycling the waste will help in preserving the natural environment.

Clearly, air pollution and production of waste are the two main threats to the environment. Firstly, with the increase in the population, the number of vehicles on the road are also increasing. Even though private vehicles are comfortable and time-saving, people are forgetting forget that the fumes emitted from the cars have contributed greatly to global warming. A study have proved that the amount of carbon monoxide emitted from the vehicles have increased up to 30% in the past decade. Resulting This has resulted in increasing the global warming. Secondly, the amount of waste produced has also increased drastically. Nowadays the materials used for packing are nonbiodegradable. This not only takes thousands of years to disintegrate but also pollutes the water bodies and cause a threat to the wildlife. (While I must congratulate you on the manner in which you’ve developed the arguments and made strong points, the context is lost. The question’s sense is: “Why do most people fail to take any action to preserve the environment?”)

However, Numerous actions can be taken to protect the natural environment. Firstly, the use of public transport will (this will applies to both X and Y: will not only X but also Y) not only reduce the air pollution but will also decrease the traffic congestions. To exemplify, the government of New Delhi have has started many buses equipped with air-conditioning and comfortable seats for the citizens. This will help them tackle the problem of traffic jams has reduced the duration of an average traffic jam in the capital city bu more than one hour. (This is an example. Give concrete results.) Secondly, by recycling, reusing and reducing the waste the accumulation of nonbiodegradable products can be decreased. (The solutions are correctly presented in a separate paragraph. Need some minor improvements. You’ve made significant improvements. However, the context is lost. The question’s sense is “What simple actions can the people take to preserve the environment?” These steps include 1. Using a bicycle instead of a car (at individual’s level, not that of the government), 2. Plant a tree (again at an individual’s level), 3. Segregate plastic waste from organic waste at home so that the plastic can be recycled.)

To conclude, although individual awareness about preserving the natural environment holds the paramount importance but , the government’s collaboration is also necessary. (Do not use but with although. The right construction is “Although X, Y“)

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