Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: School Teachers More Responsible for Social and Intellectual Development of Students.

School teachers are more responsible for the social and intellectual development of student than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Nowadays, it is argued that for progressive social and psychological growth of a school going child as socially and psychologically, mentors (who says mentors refer to teachers only? Parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles can be mentors too. Wrong word choice. Please try not to change the CORE words in the essay statement.) teachers are highly responsible as compared to parents. Although parents inculcate extensive traits into children but (Do not use BUT with ALTHOUGH. Although X, Y) I personally believe that teachers are responsible in to greater extent than parents to broaden their horizon of scholars (wrong word choice. Scholars may include those who are proficient in a domain. Not necessarily students. Use the pronoun THEIR to refer back to the noun.) in each domain of life to develop them as an all-rounder.

To commence with, teachers and schools are playing a vital role to develop students in many ways. Firstly, with (Wrong use of WITH since you’ve not given the EFFECT. WITH refers to the cause.) the use of modern technological teaching methods that have already progressed students in various skills such as cognitive (this is not a skill), problem-solving and critical thinking by implementing various activities and practical experiences (The sentence is not clear. What are you planning to do “with the use of modern …..”. Which activities? Which practical experiences? The sentence is too complex and does not convey the idea clearly and logically. Firstly, the use of modern technological teaching methods such as interactive sessions and smart classes have led to a better cognitive development of children. (IDEA) Teachers often use computers to practically demonstrate various things such as climate change instead of forcing children to engage in rote learning. (EXPLANATION)). Secondly, teachers are enhancing the social interactions in between the peers and their mates (peers refers to the people of the same age group. social interaction among student’s peer group) by engaging learners them in group discussion, teamwork assignments and to teach them coordination by co-curricular activities. (For example, teachers in various Japanese schools conduct examinations in which teams of students compete with each other on activities such as pottery, painting, and dance rather. This is not possible at home.) For example, according to a recent survey conducted by Central board of schools education, 73% students who are going into schools are found to be highly interactive, social and mentally strong as comparison compared to children who were a part of home education.

Admittedly, parents have crucial importance in developing making children socially active. When a child watches parents regarding following social ethics and maintaining responsible behaviour, he learns better by imitating and following them more appropriately. Parents can also guide and correct children when they make mistakes unintentionally because a child spends more time with parents as compared to teachers. Hence, parents can enhance the social bond of their children by leading them from time to time.

In conclusion, however (no need of HOWEVER. You’ve used BUT. Alternative construction suitable here: Although X, Y) parents have utmost importance for child‘s social development socially but I personally believe that educational institutes and teachers are more responsible for the growth of students to increase their intellect and to improve psychological skills.

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