Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: School Teachers More Responsible for Social and Intellectual Development of Students – 1.

School teachers are more responsible for the social and intellectual development of students than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

While some people believe that the school teachers play a crucial role in the social and cognitive development of the child, others feel that it is the onus of the is on parents (The correct usage of ONUS is “the onus is on ….”). In my opinion, teachers are responsible for the intellectual development the child by providing them an appropriate learning environment. On the other hand, parents are responsible for the social development.

Clearly, teachers play a pivotal role in the development of the cognitive skills of the child. Firstly, the contemporary techniques adopted by the teachers helps help the student to become a smart learner. For instance, the modern methods such as problem-solving, logical thinking and reasoning not only improves improve the knowledge but also improves enhance expressiveness. (Three subject-verb disagreements in this paragraph. A red flag.) Secondly, the diverse courses and clubs available at the school such as (wrong placement of such as. It is used with the NOUN it exemplifies) music courses, dance courses, and science clubs not only cultivates cultivate the students communicative skills but also improves improve their knowledge about various fields. (Secondly, diverse courses and clubs which are related to music, dance and science help in cultivating ……….)

On the other hand, parents are the first teacher of the a child. It can be seen that a child mimics children mimic the actions of their parents (Subject-Pronoun disagreement. THEIR refers to children, not ‘a child’). They keenly observe how their parents act in certain circumstances and tries try to in act the same in their practical life. (Is this social development? Please mention that explicitly. They keenly observe how their parents act in various social circumstances such as during a dinner or a party and try to emulate the actions. For example, parents who are soft-spoken and are mild-mannered often bring up children in the same manner. Their children end up with similar social skills. On the other hand, children born and brought up in a rough family often have harsh language and manners.) Moreover, a child spends most of his time with their his parents and is easily influenced by their behaviors (You used to first their to refer to children and the second their to refer to parents. Please use one pronoun to refer to one noun only.). The moral values and the etiquettes are taught by parents. (The second point is not a new point. It is the same as the former. It is better to elaborate on the former point as I’ve done above.)

To conclude, even though teachers have the responsibility of the intellectual development of the child by providing them conducive learning environment. It , it is the onus of on the parents to guide and imbibe social ethics in the child. (even though X, Y)

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