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IELTS Essay Correction: Things That Used to be Done by Hands, Now Done by Machines.

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this development bring more advantages or disadvantages? 

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

These days advanced technology make has made our life more comfortable by providing various gadgets to complete household tasks easily. Availability of myriad these machines have has replaced tasks (machines have not replaced tasks, they’ve replaced humans. Moreover, AVAILABILITY can’t replace anything.: These machines have replaced the humans and. …..) completed in the past manually in less time.  However, this progression is responsible for several benefits and demerits. I believe that performing tasks by machines rather than manually have more cons than pros(You’ve already stated this in the previous sentence.)

To commence with the beneficial side, firstly, (firstly = to commence with) this saves time (What saves TIME? Please use a referencing device to refer back to machines.). Undoubtedly, electronic machines for house chores save plenty of time as gadgets do tasks in lesser time than humans (please note the sense of the question: by hand = humans. Lesser includes as compared to) less time as comparatively tasks done by hand. For example, washing machine can wash clothes more fastly as compare to faster than manual washing. Additionally, user can utilize time and complete several tasks at the same time. Such as (such as VS for example) washing and cooking can be complete(Not using a passive voice changes the meaning of the sentence.) with the help of technical devices. (For example, a person can cook a cake in an oven and wash clothes in a machine simultaneously (concurrently).) Consequently, the saved time can be used for spending with family and giving time to own self for pursuing a hobby. (parallelism.)

On the other hand, using machines for house tasks have tremendous demerits. Manually performed tasks have pivotal benefit to health but using machines are not good for health (Let us be more specific than health. Performing a task by hand enables a person to exercise while completing the task. Machines, on the other hand, make our life sedentary and this leads to several problems such as obesity.). Reliability Relying on machines is responsible for an increase in obesity, especially among housewives. For example, Delhi university reveals a report based on a survey conducted by them (this pronoun does not refer back to a noun.). More than 60 % of females who use machines for house tasks gain more weight as compared to those who complete tasks by hands (Learn the use of adjective pronoun WHO). Consequently, this arises different health issues like obesity, heart and muscular pains among people who rely on machines.

Another point needs to be considered that food cooked in machines is not healthy as it contains harmful rays as found by a health report revealed by a Delhi Hospital. (You tried to raise another point but didn’t explain it adequately. Please avoid this.)

In conclusion, I believe that as a coin has two sides similarly machines have both benefits and drawbacks. Although, disadvantages are more than advantages beneficial perspective. Yet , we need an essential balance of using machines at home to make life comfortable and convenient but not at the cost of health. (Although X, Y)

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