Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Encourage Teenagers to Have Part-Time Job.

Some countries encourage teenagers to have part time job and see it as a good thing while others disagree. Give your opinion and discuss both views.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is observed that young people in some nations are advised to enroll in a temporary job. This is worthwhile for teenagers. They will them as they (Two points: 1. Use a pronoun to refer back to young people. 2. Use present tense since your previous sentence is in present.) get experience and salary which are vital for meeting the daily expenses every adolescent. I concur with the statement but I do not turn a blind eye over the drawbacks of it. (Since this is a discuss both views essay, please MENTION the reasons supporting the opposite view as well. Some people oppose this idea since this distracts students from the studies.)

There are surplus points which thought (points can’t think) why juveniles should participate in the field of work. At the outset, part time career brings various developments benefits such as strong interpersonal skills and confidence. This can be enhanced by interacting and socialising with more and more (Interacting and socializing is not same as working. When they interact and socialize at a workplace, they gain better interpersonal skills for business and confidence to talk to clients.). In addition to this, teenagers will become punctual (maintain the same tense). They have to arrive at work on time and there is no room for procrastinating. (Do they not get punctual in an educational institutions? This is not possible in an educational institution since the atmosphere is more casual and liberal.)

Another vital point is that the experience which students gain through a temporary job is fruitful. They will already become acquaint with the conducive ambience of companies and also comprehend the significance of team work. (This is the same as interpersonal skills. Teamwork is a part of interpersonal skills. Please include this in the first point.)

In spite of, ultra the privileges of part time job, some people assert that youngsters are not mature enough neither academically nor intellectually. Therefore students can easily trap in snare of cunning management and eventually students will face the music (This point is not clear and precise. It is too vague. Either explain this or avoid it.). Furthermore, enrolment of children in workplace can build stumbling blocks in their education. (Technically, their is a wrong pronoun since there is no mention of children. The subject is “enrollment of children“.) To make it more precise, student’s study and playing time will divide is divided with work and they do are not left with adequate zeal to complete their assignments. (Same as above, they is incorrect since there is no mention of students. The subject is “student’s study and playing time”.)

On the whole, from the above discourse, it is crystal clear that youngsters only engage in the workplace during their vacations vocations. So so that they do not compromise with study and take full benefits of the job.

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

Advertisements

1 reply »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.