Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Children Should Begin Their Formal Education Early.

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT CHILDREN SHOULD BEGIN THEIR FORMAL EDUCATION AT A VERY EARLY AGE AND SHOULD SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME IN SCHOOL STUDIES. OTHERS BELIEVE THAT YOUNG CHILDREN SHOULD SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME PLAYING. COMPARE THESE TWO VIEWS. WHICH VIEW DO YOU AGREE TO?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Education is one of the most powerful weapons, which one can use to change the world. It has, however, been a contentious issue that whether children should study for long hours (The question is not about long hours. It’s about beginning studies early. These mistakes impact your task response score.) or they should play more time and formal education should be started at a later age. In my opinion, despite little a few concerns (concerns are countable in nature. Please use a countable adjective. LITTLE is uncountable.), later view has more strong elements and merits serious consideration.

Read the question carefully and note the keywords. Then choose the words according to the needs of the question. In an attempt to find suitable synonyms, do not compromise the quality of the expression or lose task response.

It is advisable to MENTION the reasons supporting each view. 

To begin with, one of the preponderant aspects reasons to indulge toddlers (toddlers are children, but all children are not toddlers. Wrong synonym. Toddlers never attend school. They stay at home and learn to walk.) in study at during the early years is that they are more agile and enthusiastic to gain new experiences. Therefore, it is easy to instill formal studies with high grasping power (studies do not have high grasping power. Wrong sentence structure changes the meaning. during the early years is that their brain is active and has high grasping power. Therefore, ……) (Merely because their brain is sharp doesn’t mean they should study at a young age. Please read the proper logical argument below). Moreover, if children start their education in former (former refers to past. Again, in an attempt to find a synonym, you’ve distorted the meaning of the sentence.) years, they would will become stalwart in a working fields at very young age. Apparently, the probability of success rate in a career is much high in such a case. On the contrary, children enjoying activities like games in their adolescence fails fail (subject = children = plural) to perform well in studies and struggle to survive in this competitive era. (This idea is developed much better than the previous one.)

… during the early years is that their brain is active and has high grasping power. Therefore, they can easily learn many concepts which are difficult to grasp at a later age. For example, various psychological studies have proved that children can learn about new objects such as fruits and furniture much easily at an age as young as 5 years. Consequently, they should join the formal education system at a young age.

On the other hand, it is an undeniable fact that solely education is not adequate for the holistic development of children. Other recreational pursuits are also play a pivotal role in success to get success. (What do you mean by other recreational pursuits? What pivotal role do they play? Develop the idea into a logical argument. Other recreational pursuits such as playing games with the peer group build strong traits such as team spirit and leadership.) Besides, school timings, which are of 6-7 6 to 7 hours, are more than sufficient to teach them (You can better structure the sentences to express the ideas better: Besides, spending six to seven hours in school is more than sufficient for young children.). Playing games in other hours after school will not only will be conducive to children‘s growth, but they also will make them feel serene from cumbersome (pressure is never cumbersome.) pressure of study (Parallelism: Use similar structure. WILL is parallel to WILL. Please read the article and watch my Youtube video as well to understand the concept in depth. Watch this video till paragraph 1.). Above all, generic skills would be developed, if they are engaged with other activities, which are essential for posterity. (What generic skills? How are they essential for posterity? A lot of vagueness. Please be specific. Playing games after school helps children break the monotony and relieve them of pressure. This helps them cope with stress and develop the ability to manage their affairs in the future as adults.)

In conclusion, in this competitive world, students are studying for throughout the day. However, studying in school hours are plentiful is enough, thus, playing hours ought to be added more in adolescents life. (subject = studying = singular, verb = singular = is.)

Follow this blog and like our Facebook page to learn exciting new essays and cue cards. You can contact me HERE.

Please subscribe to my Youtube Channel.

Contact me for writing polished and effective Statement of Purpose.

Contact me for Editing Services and Document Writing Services.

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.