Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Walking is Known to be Beneficial for Health.

Walking is known to be beneficial for health, yet fewer and fewer people are walking these days. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to tackle this issue?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

Walking has immense health benefits. However, in this contemporary epoch (Prefer time over epoch), a few fewer number of people are walking, which is the major concern (Do not make this a modifier. Otherwise the sentence’s meaning is: contemporary epoch is a major concern). This problem has arisen due to various reasons, which I will enunciate (discuss is a better word than enunciate since the latter refers to “formal announcement”.) along with some proposed measures to tackle this issue in the subsequent paragraphs.

To embark with reasons One of the major reasons is …., the predominant one is that people in professional occupations have no time for a walk, (wrong use of commas at a number of places) due to their busy lives and fixed schedules. Most of the time gets consumed in the office work as well as in household activities, draining all of the energy and sparing any no time for walking. Another compelling factor is that nowadays many individuals prefer various fitness programmes such as gym, yoga, and aerobics over walking. Admittedly, a large number of people are too lazy to make any effort and a sedentary lifestyle is a leading contributor to that issue (which issue? There is no issue to which this refers back to.) to a greater extent (= leading contributor).

You’ve specifically explained the points without any ambiguity. Good job!

Nonetheless, this ordeal is not insurmountable, so and an array of initiatives can be taken by the authorities as well as individuals to mitigate it. First and foremost, the most effective method would be to create public awareness on of the health benefits of walking (the right preposition with awareness is OF). This can be done by educating people through media and newspapers along with the articles on health and social media campaigns (Newspapers include articles. It seems as if articles are on social media campaigns. This can be done by educating people through social media and publishing more articles on the benefits of walking.). Secondly, government should motivate people by building walking tracks and nature parks, especially in cities. To quote an example, since the initiation of public awareness campaigns (The idea is on building parks while the example is on awareness campaigns.) in New Delhi, citing the advantages 60% of people have started walking every day for at least half an hour. (For example, a survey in New Delhi has reported that 75 percent of people abandon gym and yoga classes, and prefer walking if proper walking paths and parks are available. Consequently, the government of Delhi is investing heavily in such spaces to keep people healthy.)

To recapitulate, I concede that as walking can largely benefit many people in many ways, people should adapt it into their lives.

Issues: Grammar issues – modifiers, punctuation marks, sentence structuring to make it more expressive, imprecise words.

Strength: Well developed and specific arguments.

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