Answer Checking

IELTS Task 1 Correction: Joined a Sports Center

YOU HAVE RECENTLY JOINED A SPORTS CENTER AND ENCOUNTERED SOME ISSUES DURING YOU VISITS.

WRITE TO THE CENTER MANAGER ABOUT IT AND SAY

-WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT THE CENTRE

 -MENTION THE PROBLEMS THAT  YOU HAVE HAD THERE

-GIVE YOUR VIEW ON HOW TO SOLVE THESE PROBLEMS

Answer:

Dear Sir,

My name is Avin Peterson, I am a new member of your sports center (You can make things more conversational by adding some data. See the underlined(I joined your sports club last month and visit it every weekday). I am writing to you to from a predicament, which I observed in visiting hours. Please allow me to explain(It’s better to shoot straight and make things less vague. An introduction sets the path for body paragraphs. MENTION the things in it. Though I really love visiting your center, there are a few issues I wish to highlight in this letter.) – Now explain LOVE and ISSUES.

Firstly, I would like to mention about superior services, which are provided by your pioneer centre. I am highly contented with facilities and modern amenities, (no need of a punctuation mark before which. Mistake made twice.) which are not only improving my sports skills, but also keeping me fit and healthy (Excellent parallelism!). Especially, Online sessions of international expertswho teach new techniques for games, are really (especially) amusing, who teach new techniques for games. (Place the adjective clause next to the word it modifies – experts.) However, I have seen something very awkward, which I consider must be shared with you.

Actually, some adults always tease the young children and refrain them to play for long hours. To my mind, children are too young to protect themselves from such abuse prevent them from teasing. Moreover, they hesitate to complaint (complaint is a noun, complain is a verb. (to + verb) – hesitate to complain in fear; hesitate to register a compaint.) in fear. Therefore, I request you to kindly look into this matter with deep concern. I would suggest you to depute an employee for young children so that no one can trouble to them (better to use a pronoun to refer back to children than using another noun) adolescents. Also, membership of such a wicked person (such wicked persons) should be canceled.

Hoping for a prompt action from your side.

Yours faithfully,

Avin Peterson.

You’ve developed the arguments well. They’re logical and precise. Need to work on grammar and cohesion. Please note that you’ve incorrectly used the structure “to + verb” and have used incorrect words – complaint. Please learn to write a better introduction.

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