Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Age Difference Between Parents and Children.

Some people believe that a great difference in age between parents and children is more beneficial. Do you think the advantages of a greater difference in age between them outweigh the disadvantages?

Answer:

It is undeniable that having children is one of the biggest decisions parents have to make in their life. Although many think that the bigger the age gap between parents and children the better, I hold the view that this could bring about more detrimental results than benefits a small one does(THIS refers back to the bigger the age gap … the better. Comparison is between detrimental results and benefits.)

Admittedly, there are some benefits of a huge age difference between parents and children. Firstly, as long as they have no children, parents have the opportunity to save more money.This money can be used later when they have children to pay for their (they refers to parents and their refers to children. One pronoun must refer to one noun only.) education or to fund their (wrong pronoun) first project in life. (Restructure. Their refers to children.: This money can be used later to pay for children’s school fees or fund their projects.) Furthermore, parents will have the chance to enjoy their life without the stress, agony and hassle of dealing with kids (How does greater age gap eliminate dealing with kids? You’ve mentioned the idea but have not explained it. Please carry it to the logical conclusion.). For example, it is quite common for parents with no kids to travel on a long tourism trip. (The question is not about NO KIDS. It’s about the age gap between parents and kids.) Let me present an idea and its explanation:

Furthermore, when parents have a huge age gap with children, they are often more mature since they have better exposure to various personal, social and economic matters. They are, thus, in a better position to guide children. Young parents, on the other hand, are immature and have little idea about responsibly raising a child.

Nevertheless, despite these advantages above, I believe that there are serious problems that arise from having a big age gap. One potential dangerous drawback is the weak and unstable relation that children and parents will (This is not about future. Please use the simple present tense for something that occurs in the present and is expected to happen in the future. One potential drawback is that this leads to weak and unstable relations between parents and children.) have ultimately. Since they are old when they have kids, parents lack the patience and the motivation to look after the endless demands of their children newly born babies (They’re not newly born, I’m sure. Let us stick to the word children.). As a result, children, as they grow up, will feel less attached to their parents. Consequently, there will be is no or a very weak bond and relation between the children and their parents. (Let us try to reduce the over-use of the words children and parents. Let us first decide that the pronoun THEY will refer to parents only. Since they are old when they have kids, parents lack patience and motivation to look after the endless demands of their children. Consequently, as the children grow up, the feeling of attachment subsides and the emotional bond in the family weakened. This frequently leads to the shattering of family structure with serious social consequences.) For instance, 80% of elderly people in the UK feel lonely because their children do not visit them regularly (Is this because of the HUGE age gap?) For example, a study has found that the baby boomers generation in the United Kingdom in the 1970s gave birth to children at an average age of 36. This gap between parents and children has led to more than 80 percent of elderly people abandoned by their children.

In conclusion, despite the potential secured future that having a big gap offers, its drawback of fragmented and disconnected families far outweigh that advantage.

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