Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction: Government Should Spend More Money on Education Than on Recreation and Sports.

GOVERNMENT SHOULD SPEND MORE MONEY ON EDUCATION THAN ON RECREATION AND SPORTS.

DO YOU THINK IT IS A GOOD IDEA TO DO SO?

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

The government of any country is responsible for making its nation wealthy and prosperous. Thus, government It should spend revenues wisely and provide amenities such as education, health, sports and other recreational facilities to the citizens native people. Out of all these, to my mind, education is the most imperative for the development of nation and government ought to allocate more funds for education. (It is better to avoid repetition of nouns such as government and education by using pronouns such as IT. This builds cohesion within a sentence: Since education is at the base of all developments in a country, I think the governments must allocate more to it than to other domains.) (More X than Y. X = to it; Y = to other domains)

The introduction is well structured.

To begin with, spending money for educational purposes has myriads of benefits. By gaining good education, one can opt for the best choice of a lucrative (bright) career (opt = choose. You can’t choose the choice.). As qualification is the first and the most essential phase of for an interviewee (of an interview) (incomplete sentence: Correct construction = SINCE/ AS X, Y. Plus – develop the argument by bringing the government in the picture. Since formal educational qualification is the most essential step for an interview, a candidate must invest years in gaining the right skills. This is possible only with active support from the government in terms of right infrastructure and subsidies. If the government spends this money on sports and recreation, the youth will be devoid of the opportunities for a bright career.). No company recruits any person without qualification certificates. (Okay, so should the government invest the money in education?) Moreover, education liberates people from prejudices and makes them aware of their fundamental rights. For instance, a literate person has more awareness to live life in a better way and has the least chances of deceiving being deceived from unfair people because of more exposure, rather than than illiterate ones. (More X than Y – not rather than)

I can’t see the role of government in the ideas above. Plus, you need to compare with recreation and sports. Education is not ISOLATED in this question. There is a comparison with sports. (As I’ve done above)

Furthermore, government would get direct profit by providing funds on for education. When students do tertiary studies, they research for new techniques. Those new inventions which not only aid the masses but also help the government to perform their its duties more precisely. On the other hand, an investment in sports and recreation merely leads to enjoyment for people and has no productive uses. (Need to compare.) Above all, education caters the knowledge need (can’t cater the knowledge) to utilize resources with a proactive approach. The concepts of global warming, pollution, scarcity of lands and so forth are escalating at a swift pace because people are not aware with of dire consequences. Therefore, education is the best tool to apprise with of these major concerns. (The role of government and the comparison with recreation are missing. The government must invest in educating people since this makes them aware of global issues and threats such as global warming and terrorism. This also enables people to take proactive steps to tackle these issues. An investment in recreation and sports can not achieve these ends.)

(Note the use of right prepositions in all my essay corrections. Certain prepositions come with certain words – provide for, aware of, apprise of.)

In conclusion, education is the weapon which one can use to change the world. Hence, government funding would be a milestone to nurture the country with education.

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