Answer Checking

IELTS Essay Correction July​ 2018: Many Parents Stay at Home and Take Care of Family Instead of Going to Work – 2.

Many parents (mostly women) decide to stay home and take care of the family members instead of going out to work. Some people suggest that they should be paid by the government for doing that. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

40 minutes, 250 words at least.

Answer:

It is considered by some that government should give remuneration to the parents who stay home and look after the family. In my opinion, the parents of young children should be given financial assistance as taking care of the family is a tough job which requires complete dedication without any monetary worries.

Clearly, parents are the first teacher and first friend of a child (This sentence does not have any relation with the next sentence. However, you can re-structure it with a different set of words: Clearly, parents play the most important role in shaping the character of a child.) (Character includes morals and ethics.). With the help of financial aid from the government, a mother can give her best in imbibing moral and ethical values in her child without any monetary worries such as money required for grocery shopping purchasing grocery and paying bills (Parallelism issue: Such as X and Y. The first word of X and the first word of Y should belong to the same family. While MONEY is a noun, PAYING is a verb. Read a detailed article on PARALLELISM.). In absence of such aid, parents are forced to work and stay away from children. To exemplify, a survey done by a private organization states that as compared to working parents, a child who’s whose mother stays at home and looks after him is more well mannered and socialized and shows respect for cultural and moral values of the society than the child who stays home alone. (The question is not about working parents and those staying at home. It is about FINANCIAL aid. Please mention that if the aid is not given, parents will be forced to stay away from children. Improve Task Response.)

Furthermore, for fulfilling (meeting) the primary needs of a child financial help from the government is necessary. Many vaccinations and pantry products are quite costly but are a necessity for a child’s day to day life. Parents can afford these items only after working for several hours per day. This leaves the children unattended and open to malicious influences. Therefore, to accommodate these needs many foreign countries such as Germany, France, and Canada gives give remuneration to the parents to spend it on their child’s basic needs amenities. (Do they give remuneration to all parents or only to those who stay at home and take care of the child? The words written in BLUE are meant to cover this issue.) It is a well-known fact that a child is a countries country’s future. So, basically, the government is investing in their countries its country’s (government = singular) future.

There are TASK RESPONSE issues since you’ve not addressed the needs of the question.

To conclude, parenting is a day and night job which is both mentally and mentally physically exhausting. So with the help of financial aide aid (aide = assistant; aid = support) from the government, the parents can properly look after their family without feeling crippled due to the lack of money.

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