People are less fit and active nowadays than in the past. What are the reasons for that? What measures can be taken to fix this?
40 minutes, 250 words at least.
It is undeniable that on average people have become more obese
in average and idle in recent years as compared to previous times (Restructure to place on average so that it is linked to both obese and idle. The correct construction is “AS compared to”.). This essay will discuss few reasons behind this trend and suggest a couple of solutions that people can embrace to tackle it. Of course, this essay will discuss a few reasons. That’s what the question is. This sentence does not add any value to the introduction. It is better to MENTION the reasons. This is primarily attributed to highly processed junk food (= unhealthy junk food) and modes of entertainment that promote a sedentary lifestyle.
There are many factors that can be blamed for the alarmingly increasing average weight of people and the sedentary lifestyle they have got used to. The first and foremost factor is the unhealthy food. People are used to eating (used to + infinitive = past tense. used to + ing = present tense) sugary and fatty food which not only does (food is singular) not provide any essential nutritional
elements element (any = singular.) that our bodies need to develop and function, but also can cause serious health problems due to artificial chemicals and additives. (The sentence is too long to express clear communication. Let us divide it into two and use a PRONOUN ‘these’ to refer back to chemicals and additives.) that they contain, which are proven These have been proved to be the root cause of many diseases such as diabetes and high cholesterol ratio. (ratio is not a disease.) Another reason is the new entertainment means such as …… (The correct placement of such as is next to the NOUN it exemplifies) that most of the people are attracted to , such as TV, Internet, and video games, which do not include any physical activities and thus contribute to the inactivity pattern that people show nowadays.
Despite numerous structuring and grammar issues, the IDEAS are clearly written and logically developed with precision. You will score well on Cohesion and Coherence, and Task Response.
However, there are many methods that can be implemented to overcome this issue. Firstly, there should be regular campaigns in different types of media to raise the awareness of people to the danger of leading an idle lifestyle. This would motivate people to subscribe to a gym
in GYM and do regular exercises. Additionally, an exorbitant tax (Let us use an adjective with a noun to create a collocation) should be imposed on unhealthy food in order to deter people from buying it and encourage them to eat a healthy one. (Well structured and explained logically.)
In conclusion, although people nowadays are afflicted with fitness and idleness problems, these issues are fortunately not insurmountable and can be addressed by considering some of the solutions proposed above. (The conclusion is fine and meets standards of a good conclusion.)
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